I was reflecting today on big families. This is almost definitely my last pregnancy (because of my high-risk status) though we have talked about the possibility of adopting at some point. Four kids is "big" by today's standards, but it wasn't always, and it certainly seems small compared to the octuplet mom with 14 children under age 7.
Do you know who holds the record for giving birth to the most children? Acually, her name isn't known, but she was married to Feodor Vassilyev in the 1700s. She had 27 pregnancies, all with multiples: 16 sets of twins, 7 sets of triplets, and 4 sets of quads, 69 in total of which 67 survived to adulthood. Now that's a big family! I guess I can handle 4 after all.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Supper Time Tradition
A few months ago, we started a new tradition. Every night we go around the supper table and tell our "best and worst."
Sweetie loves this part of the evening. She always says, "My bess pa-da-da day was *babble babble babble* AHAHAHAHA! My wuss pa-da-da day was *babble babble babble* AHAHAHAHA!"
For Smartie, it depends on her mood. She usually mentions something like playing with Hayley at preschool as her best and Sweetie not sharing as her worst. Tonight, she was in a silly mood. As she stood on her chair turning circles, she said, "My best part of the day was turning in circles, and my worst was when I had to quit!"
We hope to keep this tradition up for years to come. As the kids get older, we hope it will give us a better insight into their lives.
Sweetie loves this part of the evening. She always says, "My bess pa-da-da day was *babble babble babble* AHAHAHAHA! My wuss pa-da-da day was *babble babble babble* AHAHAHAHA!"
For Smartie, it depends on her mood. She usually mentions something like playing with Hayley at preschool as her best and Sweetie not sharing as her worst. Tonight, she was in a silly mood. As she stood on her chair turning circles, she said, "My best part of the day was turning in circles, and my worst was when I had to quit!"
We hope to keep this tradition up for years to come. As the kids get older, we hope it will give us a better insight into their lives.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Talk about a super-mom!
This woman plans to breast feed her eight, that's right, eight newborns. And I thought twins would be a challenge!
Monday, January 26, 2009
The Story of Ian
Eight months after Sweetie was born, my endo symptoms returned in full force. At that point, my doctor wanted to start me on the Pill. I’ve never understood how a disease that is fueled by estrogen can be “cured” with more estrogen, but I decided to give it a try. Ten months later, my pain was worse than before and I couldn’t take it anymore. I quit the Pill in the middle of the cycle.
Papa Runner and I discussed what we wanted to do. Previous to that, we had always used fertility tracking/NFP as our birth control method. I was ready to try for baby 3, and Papa eventually agreed we might as well. I started charting just for my own curiosity.
The Pill really messed my body up. My fertility signs were all over the place with no clear pattern. After a month, I hadn’t had a real period yet, just the withdrawal period. I assumed it was because I hadn’t ovulated. But I was experiencing a lot of breast tenderness, so I decided to take a home pregnancy test just to be sure. It turned positive in less than ten seconds. In previous pregnancies, I had been completely sure of my dates, but not this time. I knew I had to be at least 4 weeks along, but could have been as much as 6.
I scheduled an appointment with my OB for a sono at 8 (10?) weeks. The next two weeks or so I had mild morning sickness and extreme breast tenderness. Then one morning I woke up feeling completely fine. In one sense, it was nice to feel normal again. At the same time, I was a little concerned. Could this mean my hormone levels were dropping? That wouldn’t be good news.
One week later at 7.5 (9.5?) weeks, I started spotting. I knew immediately this would lead to another miscarriage. The nurse at the office wasn’t concerned, however, and didn’t want to bring me in. She told me to just take it easy over the weekend (it was a Friday) and call back on Monday. If my bleeding go too heavy or pain too severe, I should head to the ER.
Over the next two days, my bleeding got heavier and heavier, but never so much that I thought I should be in a hospital. I was content to let things play out at home. On Saturday, I passed several large clots. By Monday morning when I went in for a blood test, even the nurse knew it was over. A few hours later it was confirmed: my hormone levels were too low to maintain a pregnancy.
In some ways, losing Ian was easier than losing Grace. I didn’t have the same panic or long wait for confirmation. In others, it was harder. It took a lot longer to get back on track emotionally. A few sessions with a therapist helped. I now have two more dates marked in my head: July 26 and March 12. We may do another balloon release in March, or we may plant a tree this time.
-------------------
That's it for birth/pregnancy stories for me until August 4. Okay, it's likely the twins will be here before then, but I'm still hoping to reach my due date for once.
Papa Runner and I discussed what we wanted to do. Previous to that, we had always used fertility tracking/NFP as our birth control method. I was ready to try for baby 3, and Papa eventually agreed we might as well. I started charting just for my own curiosity.
The Pill really messed my body up. My fertility signs were all over the place with no clear pattern. After a month, I hadn’t had a real period yet, just the withdrawal period. I assumed it was because I hadn’t ovulated. But I was experiencing a lot of breast tenderness, so I decided to take a home pregnancy test just to be sure. It turned positive in less than ten seconds. In previous pregnancies, I had been completely sure of my dates, but not this time. I knew I had to be at least 4 weeks along, but could have been as much as 6.
I scheduled an appointment with my OB for a sono at 8 (10?) weeks. The next two weeks or so I had mild morning sickness and extreme breast tenderness. Then one morning I woke up feeling completely fine. In one sense, it was nice to feel normal again. At the same time, I was a little concerned. Could this mean my hormone levels were dropping? That wouldn’t be good news.
One week later at 7.5 (9.5?) weeks, I started spotting. I knew immediately this would lead to another miscarriage. The nurse at the office wasn’t concerned, however, and didn’t want to bring me in. She told me to just take it easy over the weekend (it was a Friday) and call back on Monday. If my bleeding go too heavy or pain too severe, I should head to the ER.
Over the next two days, my bleeding got heavier and heavier, but never so much that I thought I should be in a hospital. I was content to let things play out at home. On Saturday, I passed several large clots. By Monday morning when I went in for a blood test, even the nurse knew it was over. A few hours later it was confirmed: my hormone levels were too low to maintain a pregnancy.
In some ways, losing Ian was easier than losing Grace. I didn’t have the same panic or long wait for confirmation. In others, it was harder. It took a lot longer to get back on track emotionally. A few sessions with a therapist helped. I now have two more dates marked in my head: July 26 and March 12. We may do another balloon release in March, or we may plant a tree this time.
-------------------
That's it for birth/pregnancy stories for me until August 4. Okay, it's likely the twins will be here before then, but I'm still hoping to reach my due date for once.
I'm Going Crazy!
There is a mouse trapped in the wall. I've been listening to it scritch around since breakfast. It's totally creeping me out! This is the first mouse we've had in about three years, too, so I'm not sure where he came from especially since it's been so cold out. They usually come in the fall, and I thought we were safe for the year after sub-zero temps.
Friday, January 23, 2009
A Husband's Nightmare
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog.
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bath room door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it.
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An interesting question came up in my support group today. If you leave the kiddos home with Daddy while you go out, is he "babysitting" or "parenting"? And does he act like he's doing you a favor for doing it?
Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bath room door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?"
"Yes," was his incredulous reply.
She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it.
---------------------------
An interesting question came up in my support group today. If you leave the kiddos home with Daddy while you go out, is he "babysitting" or "parenting"? And does he act like he's doing you a favor for doing it?
Sunday, January 18, 2009
The Story of Catie
After losing Grace in December, we were told to wait at least 2 months before trying again. Month 3 was a disappointment: no baby. I was very discouraged. My doctor was recommending surgery because my endo pain had gotten so severe (Sweetie was another Vicodin conception), but I was determined to try one more month.
At the end of month 4, I started getting PMS cramps 5 days ahead of my expected period, which was typical for me at the time. I knew I couldn’t be pregnant, so called the doctor to schedule surgery. I went in two days later for pre-surgery testing and paperwork, giving the test samples first. As I was working on the forms, a nurse called me back to see Dr. D. When I walked into her office, the first thing I noticed was that she was looking at one of those circular due-date-finders. I nearly fainted! Surgery was cancelled.
Despite the rough start, my pregnancy progressed really well through the first 2 trimesters much like Smartie’s had. I knew my chances of recurrent pre-eclampsia were 40% and was very vigilant about my symptoms. This time, I started swelling and having breathing troubles at 33 weeks. My doctor (a new one since Smartie’s birth) was very good about taking this seriously. We started doing weekly 24-hour urine checks for protein and weekly blood pressure checks in the office, plus I had a BP cuff at home for daily checks.
We had a scare at 35 weeks—I woke early one morning with a terrible headache that Tylenol couldn’t touch. I took my BP, and it was 165/110. Wouldn’t you know, there was a blizzard outside. It took Papa Runner 3 hours to dig us out, and by the time we got to L&D, my BP was back down to 110/70. The nurses just rolled their eyes and sent me home, but my doctor increased the in-office BP checks to twice a week.
At 36+5 weeks, I finally became diagnostic for PE—two BPs above 140/90 six hours apart plus a 24-hr protein measurement over 300. Since we were so close to term, my doctor put me on strict bedrest for 24 hours and brought me in for an overnight induction the next evening. The plan, like with Smartie, was cervix softener for 12 hours followed by Pitocin, with baby expected the following afternoon. We knew this drill, so Papa dropped me off and went home to get some sleep before the big day.
The first problem was that my new doctor preferred Cytotec to Cervadil as a cervix softener. Cytotec is much more likely to cause hyper-contractions. (And, incidentally, it is not approved for this use. The manufacturer has put all kinds of warnings out that it is not to be used to induce labor, because an overdose can lead to uterine rupture.) I had a dose at 6:00 and another at 10:00. By midnight, I was having regular contractions. I told the nurse I was in early labor. She just laughed at me, “Honey, I’ve seen this a thousand times. You’re not in labor.”
I had the third dose at 2:00, and this is my biggest regret. I knew I was in labor and there was no more need of medicine. I should have refused the dose. It put my contractions WAY out of control. The contraction belt was not set right, because the monitor was not picking up anything. Then, when my contractions finally got intense enough to show up, the nurse ran in…and zeroed out the monitor at the peak. She just plain didn’t believe I could be in labor yet and thought the monitor was picking up random movements. I told her it really was a contraction, but again she just laughed. She did this a couple times as my contractions got more and more intense.
At 4:30, I called Papa, waking him from a dead sleep, and told him he needed to come RIGHT NOW or he was going to miss it. He didn’t believe me either! He took a shower, ate breakfast, read the paper, finally showed up at 5:30 to find me ready to kill someone. He ran out to get the nurse, and it was finally at this point that she realized I had been right all along and things were moving fast.
The nurse gave me a shot of Nubain, which did nothing. She paged the anesthetist, who was at home, to come in for an epidural. By 6:30, I was dilated to 10 and pushing. The nurse started yelling that I couldn’t push because the doctor wasn’t there yet! “Honey,” I said, “I lost control of this thing a looooong time ago!” The delivery tech, who was much calmer, told me she couldn’t see the head yet so I should just go ahead and push if I needed to. The anesthetist finally showed up at 6:45.
(Another aside—the ACOG recommends that any hospital handling deliveries have an OB, a pediatrician, and an anesthetist on staff at all times in case of an emergency c-section. You should be able to have the surgery within 30 minutes of the decision being made. It took the anesthetist close to an hour to show up, and the OB was 15 minutes after that. Thank God I didn’t need a c-section! We go to the hospital because we’re told it’s safer, but if they don’t have the staff on hand to handle emergencies, we might as well have our babies at home!)
The poor anesthetist came in to do my epidural, and the response he got was, “Screw you! I’m already to 10, the hard part’s done!” I really had not wanted an epidural to begin with, only asking for it after the Cytotec overdose gave me hyper-contractions, and figured if I was this close to delivery I could tough it out. It’s amazing the change in attitude you get when you know it’s time to push; it no longer seemed that bad even though the pain hadn’t lessened.
The anesthetist said that was fine and left. The nurse stopped him in the hallway. We could hear her screaming at him, “YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER TAKE SOMETHING SHE’S PUSHING AND THE DOCTOR’S NOT HERE!” They argued for a few minutes, and he finally came back in to offer me a spinal. It goes a layer deeper than an epidural and takes effect instantly. I refused again. Then the nurse started screaming at Papa, which made him panicky, and he joined in trying to convince me to take it. I didn’t have the strength to fight everyone, so I gave in.
Within seconds of finishing up the spinal, the doctor walked in. I was furious: if I had known she was that close, I would never have agreed to the meds. Now I was completely numb and unable to push effectively. And to make matters worse, Sweetie was stuck! I had a strong instinct to get onto my hands and knees. A change in position would have helped her to turn enough to be born. But how can you kneel when you can’t feel your legs? Stupid meds, and shame on the nurse for bullying me into it! I pushed for 20 more minutes, and the doctor had the vacuum extractor all set up and ready to go because this baby was not coming! She did an episiotomy, and suddenly Sweetie turned and pretty much fell out in one swoop without help. So Sweetie was born at 7:20 am on December 8, weighing 5lb 2oz and measuring 18 inches long. She has been another delight to our family.
Smartie's birth was not the natural experience I had hoped for, but knowing how sick I was I look back with no regrets. Sweetie’s birth, on the other hand, makes me furious to this day! I was not nearly as sick, and the mismanagement of the nurse caused so many problems. The overdose leading to hyper-contractions, failing to believe me when I reported contractions, panicking and screaming at everyone…I swear, if I go in to deliver the twins this summer and see the same nurse, I will turn around and head back out. I will deliver the babies myself before I let that woman near me again. I also have switched doctors again, hoping for a more natural experience. But I’m being realistic, too; I’m considered very high risk with my PE history and twins to boot.
At the end of month 4, I started getting PMS cramps 5 days ahead of my expected period, which was typical for me at the time. I knew I couldn’t be pregnant, so called the doctor to schedule surgery. I went in two days later for pre-surgery testing and paperwork, giving the test samples first. As I was working on the forms, a nurse called me back to see Dr. D. When I walked into her office, the first thing I noticed was that she was looking at one of those circular due-date-finders. I nearly fainted! Surgery was cancelled.
Despite the rough start, my pregnancy progressed really well through the first 2 trimesters much like Smartie’s had. I knew my chances of recurrent pre-eclampsia were 40% and was very vigilant about my symptoms. This time, I started swelling and having breathing troubles at 33 weeks. My doctor (a new one since Smartie’s birth) was very good about taking this seriously. We started doing weekly 24-hour urine checks for protein and weekly blood pressure checks in the office, plus I had a BP cuff at home for daily checks.
We had a scare at 35 weeks—I woke early one morning with a terrible headache that Tylenol couldn’t touch. I took my BP, and it was 165/110. Wouldn’t you know, there was a blizzard outside. It took Papa Runner 3 hours to dig us out, and by the time we got to L&D, my BP was back down to 110/70. The nurses just rolled their eyes and sent me home, but my doctor increased the in-office BP checks to twice a week.
At 36+5 weeks, I finally became diagnostic for PE—two BPs above 140/90 six hours apart plus a 24-hr protein measurement over 300. Since we were so close to term, my doctor put me on strict bedrest for 24 hours and brought me in for an overnight induction the next evening. The plan, like with Smartie, was cervix softener for 12 hours followed by Pitocin, with baby expected the following afternoon. We knew this drill, so Papa dropped me off and went home to get some sleep before the big day.
The first problem was that my new doctor preferred Cytotec to Cervadil as a cervix softener. Cytotec is much more likely to cause hyper-contractions. (And, incidentally, it is not approved for this use. The manufacturer has put all kinds of warnings out that it is not to be used to induce labor, because an overdose can lead to uterine rupture.) I had a dose at 6:00 and another at 10:00. By midnight, I was having regular contractions. I told the nurse I was in early labor. She just laughed at me, “Honey, I’ve seen this a thousand times. You’re not in labor.”
I had the third dose at 2:00, and this is my biggest regret. I knew I was in labor and there was no more need of medicine. I should have refused the dose. It put my contractions WAY out of control. The contraction belt was not set right, because the monitor was not picking up anything. Then, when my contractions finally got intense enough to show up, the nurse ran in…and zeroed out the monitor at the peak. She just plain didn’t believe I could be in labor yet and thought the monitor was picking up random movements. I told her it really was a contraction, but again she just laughed. She did this a couple times as my contractions got more and more intense.
At 4:30, I called Papa, waking him from a dead sleep, and told him he needed to come RIGHT NOW or he was going to miss it. He didn’t believe me either! He took a shower, ate breakfast, read the paper, finally showed up at 5:30 to find me ready to kill someone. He ran out to get the nurse, and it was finally at this point that she realized I had been right all along and things were moving fast.
The nurse gave me a shot of Nubain, which did nothing. She paged the anesthetist, who was at home, to come in for an epidural. By 6:30, I was dilated to 10 and pushing. The nurse started yelling that I couldn’t push because the doctor wasn’t there yet! “Honey,” I said, “I lost control of this thing a looooong time ago!” The delivery tech, who was much calmer, told me she couldn’t see the head yet so I should just go ahead and push if I needed to. The anesthetist finally showed up at 6:45.
(Another aside—the ACOG recommends that any hospital handling deliveries have an OB, a pediatrician, and an anesthetist on staff at all times in case of an emergency c-section. You should be able to have the surgery within 30 minutes of the decision being made. It took the anesthetist close to an hour to show up, and the OB was 15 minutes after that. Thank God I didn’t need a c-section! We go to the hospital because we’re told it’s safer, but if they don’t have the staff on hand to handle emergencies, we might as well have our babies at home!)
The poor anesthetist came in to do my epidural, and the response he got was, “Screw you! I’m already to 10, the hard part’s done!” I really had not wanted an epidural to begin with, only asking for it after the Cytotec overdose gave me hyper-contractions, and figured if I was this close to delivery I could tough it out. It’s amazing the change in attitude you get when you know it’s time to push; it no longer seemed that bad even though the pain hadn’t lessened.
The anesthetist said that was fine and left. The nurse stopped him in the hallway. We could hear her screaming at him, “YOU HAVE TO MAKE HER TAKE SOMETHING SHE’S PUSHING AND THE DOCTOR’S NOT HERE!” They argued for a few minutes, and he finally came back in to offer me a spinal. It goes a layer deeper than an epidural and takes effect instantly. I refused again. Then the nurse started screaming at Papa, which made him panicky, and he joined in trying to convince me to take it. I didn’t have the strength to fight everyone, so I gave in.
Within seconds of finishing up the spinal, the doctor walked in. I was furious: if I had known she was that close, I would never have agreed to the meds. Now I was completely numb and unable to push effectively. And to make matters worse, Sweetie was stuck! I had a strong instinct to get onto my hands and knees. A change in position would have helped her to turn enough to be born. But how can you kneel when you can’t feel your legs? Stupid meds, and shame on the nurse for bullying me into it! I pushed for 20 more minutes, and the doctor had the vacuum extractor all set up and ready to go because this baby was not coming! She did an episiotomy, and suddenly Sweetie turned and pretty much fell out in one swoop without help. So Sweetie was born at 7:20 am on December 8, weighing 5lb 2oz and measuring 18 inches long. She has been another delight to our family.
Smartie's birth was not the natural experience I had hoped for, but knowing how sick I was I look back with no regrets. Sweetie’s birth, on the other hand, makes me furious to this day! I was not nearly as sick, and the mismanagement of the nurse caused so many problems. The overdose leading to hyper-contractions, failing to believe me when I reported contractions, panicking and screaming at everyone…I swear, if I go in to deliver the twins this summer and see the same nurse, I will turn around and head back out. I will deliver the babies myself before I let that woman near me again. I also have switched doctors again, hoping for a more natural experience. But I’m being realistic, too; I’m considered very high risk with my PE history and twins to boot.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
The Story of Grace
My second pregnancy was unusual from the very beginning. We were ready to try for a second child, but had to wait for Papa Runner to get home from India since timing didn’t work out the two weeks we were together all summer. I had recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and had severe pain 14 days per month. It’s interesting, to say the least, when you have to take a Vicodin an hour before bed to be able to, you know, try.
In late October, we got the unexpected news that my grandfather was dying and spent three days at his bedside. It was during his visitation I had a very painful cyst flare up. Knowing there was a reasonable chance I could be pregnant, I called the doctor to see what pain meds were safe for me. They wanted me to come in immediately due to the possibility of ectopic pregnancy. I didn’t go in that day, but headed to the ER immediately after the funeral the next day. It was there we found out I was very early pregnant (and not ectopic.) Sonogram #1 confirmed a large cyst, but it was too early to see baby.
I made a follow-up appointment with my OB, who scheduled a sono for the same time even though I would only be 6 weeks along, the earliest you can hope to see anything. Sono #2 revealed a well developed egg sac but no sign of baby, but at that point there was no concern because it was very early.
That same week, we got the news that my best friend’s baby was dying (long expected but never easy.) Again, I spent three days sitting with the family. It was during this time that I first got a premonition that something was wrong with my own baby. I tried to ignore it as just paranoia, and who could blame me for being paranoid with what I was witnessing?
At 8 weeks, I had sono #3. Once again, there was no sign of baby. It took a while for it to sink in that this wasn’t good news. The doctor wanted to run several tests, but did not offer much hope. The first blood test came back with hormone levels normal for the stage of pregnancy I was supposed to be at. We had expected the levels to be low. A repeat test a few days later was expected to show levels the same or lower, but to our confusion they were higher, still exactly where they were supposed to be. A third test a few days later showed the levels were still rising right on target.
At this point we were thoroughly confused. Was I pregnant or not? We decided to do another sono at 10 weeks to see if anything was finally visible. Sadly, my picture perfect egg sac was still empty. At that point we decided to do a D&C, because for whatever reason my body was charging ahead with a pregnancy and no baby.
Coping with the death of my second child was not easy. One thing that comforted me was giving the baby a name: Grace. I had a strong sense that she would have been a girl. The pathology report came back with no evidence of fetal tissue, so we concluded that she had died very early on and my body had reabsorbed her. Why I didn’t then miscarry naturally is a mystery. On her estimated due date, July 11, we had a balloon release as a family. I still quietly mark the day on July 11 and December 15, the date of my D&C. I often wonder if she knows how much she was loved and wanted and missed.
In late October, we got the unexpected news that my grandfather was dying and spent three days at his bedside. It was during his visitation I had a very painful cyst flare up. Knowing there was a reasonable chance I could be pregnant, I called the doctor to see what pain meds were safe for me. They wanted me to come in immediately due to the possibility of ectopic pregnancy. I didn’t go in that day, but headed to the ER immediately after the funeral the next day. It was there we found out I was very early pregnant (and not ectopic.) Sonogram #1 confirmed a large cyst, but it was too early to see baby.
I made a follow-up appointment with my OB, who scheduled a sono for the same time even though I would only be 6 weeks along, the earliest you can hope to see anything. Sono #2 revealed a well developed egg sac but no sign of baby, but at that point there was no concern because it was very early.
That same week, we got the news that my best friend’s baby was dying (long expected but never easy.) Again, I spent three days sitting with the family. It was during this time that I first got a premonition that something was wrong with my own baby. I tried to ignore it as just paranoia, and who could blame me for being paranoid with what I was witnessing?
At 8 weeks, I had sono #3. Once again, there was no sign of baby. It took a while for it to sink in that this wasn’t good news. The doctor wanted to run several tests, but did not offer much hope. The first blood test came back with hormone levels normal for the stage of pregnancy I was supposed to be at. We had expected the levels to be low. A repeat test a few days later was expected to show levels the same or lower, but to our confusion they were higher, still exactly where they were supposed to be. A third test a few days later showed the levels were still rising right on target.
At this point we were thoroughly confused. Was I pregnant or not? We decided to do another sono at 10 weeks to see if anything was finally visible. Sadly, my picture perfect egg sac was still empty. At that point we decided to do a D&C, because for whatever reason my body was charging ahead with a pregnancy and no baby.
Coping with the death of my second child was not easy. One thing that comforted me was giving the baby a name: Grace. I had a strong sense that she would have been a girl. The pathology report came back with no evidence of fetal tissue, so we concluded that she had died very early on and my body had reabsorbed her. Why I didn’t then miscarry naturally is a mystery. On her estimated due date, July 11, we had a balloon release as a family. I still quietly mark the day on July 11 and December 15, the date of my D&C. I often wonder if she knows how much she was loved and wanted and missed.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Boogie Babies!
I went to the MW today to get a prescription, and while I was there they told me they had a brand new 4D sonogram machine. The tech is still learning to use it. And since I have the "exciting" twin pregnancy, would I like to be a practice patient? Um, YEAH!
We spent about 20 minutes getting regular and 4D sonos of the twins. They were both wide awake and very active, kicking, waving, and somersaulting. At one point they got an absolutely beautiful shot of the babies cuddled face to face. Unfortunately, they couldn't give me any pictures (photo shoots start at $150!) But it was amazing to see.
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Sweetie is starting to catch on to the whole baby thing. Or at least, if you ask her where the babies are she knows the proper response is, "In mama's tummy." And she knows their temporary nicknames, too, "Clark" and "Addison." (And if you get that joke, you TOTALLY ROCK!)
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Several weeks ago, before we knew they were twins and before we had mentioned anything to the girls about the pregnancy, Smartie came up to me out of the blue and said, "Mommy, God's gonna give us two babies, a boy and a girl!" At the time I just laughed. But she was right about there being two. We'll have to wait and see if she nailed the genders. She is still very insistant that they are a boy and a girl and has even gone so far as to claim that Baby A on the right is the boy and Baby B on the left is the girl. She actually has a good track record at guessing these things. The Baby Psychic!
We spent about 20 minutes getting regular and 4D sonos of the twins. They were both wide awake and very active, kicking, waving, and somersaulting. At one point they got an absolutely beautiful shot of the babies cuddled face to face. Unfortunately, they couldn't give me any pictures (photo shoots start at $150!) But it was amazing to see.
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Sweetie is starting to catch on to the whole baby thing. Or at least, if you ask her where the babies are she knows the proper response is, "In mama's tummy." And she knows their temporary nicknames, too, "Clark" and "Addison." (And if you get that joke, you TOTALLY ROCK!)
---------------------------
Several weeks ago, before we knew they were twins and before we had mentioned anything to the girls about the pregnancy, Smartie came up to me out of the blue and said, "Mommy, God's gonna give us two babies, a boy and a girl!" At the time I just laughed. But she was right about there being two. We'll have to wait and see if she nailed the genders. She is still very insistant that they are a boy and a girl and has even gone so far as to claim that Baby A on the right is the boy and Baby B on the left is the girl. She actually has a good track record at guessing these things. The Baby Psychic!
Monday, January 12, 2009
Smartie's Birth Story
I've been wanting to get the girls' birth stories written down while I still remember them. I thought I'd share Smartie's tonight. Catie's will be coming soon.
The Story of Smartie
My pregnancy with Smartie started out very easy—mild nausea in the first trimester and a fantastic second trimester. It wasn’t until ~30 weeks that things started seeming “off”. I started having quite a bit of swelling and some difficulty breathing. My doctor wrote this off as common in pregnancy, and since I’m pretty short there was not much room for baby AND lungs. By 32 weeks my swelling was getting worse. Other people were noticing that my face and hands seemed swollen.
At my 34 week check up, I had gained 10 pounds in two weeks. Quite a gain! My blood pressure was also up from baseline but not quite high enough to be diagnostic. At that point, I wasn’t dropping protein and my doctor wanted to take a wait-and-see approach. My big concern was my breathing. I was gasping for air with very little exertion and had an icy-burn sensation, like stepping out on a cold day and taking a deep breath. We thought maybe an allergy? So my doctor gave me a sample of allergy meds and told me to come back on Friday.
On Friday (35 weeks even) I woke up with a horrible headache. I started to black out in the shower and had to finish sitting down. Walking up and down the stairs caused my heart to race. I somehow made it to the doctor’s. I had gained another 4 pounds in three days, my blood pressure was now 50/50 points above baseline, and my protein dip was a +3. My doctor sent me immediately to the hospital. He wouldn’t even let me drive myself; a nurse drove me!
By the time Papa Runner left work and got to the hospital, they had run numerous tests. The official diagnosis was Pre-Eclampsia. My OB and baby’s pediatrician together decided to send me an hour away to a hospital with a NICU. At one point they talked about using the helicopter, but I stabilized enough for just an ambulance.
Once at the other hospital, they started me on magnesium sulfate to prevent seizures. I also was hooked up to numerous monitors, started on oxygen, and told I couldn’t even sit up. They wanted the lights left low, also to prevent seizures. I was allowed to watch the Cubs playoff game that night, though. Around 2 am, the attending OB finally got around to starting me on Cervadil (cervix softener.) I was on that for 12 hours followed by an hour break, then Pitocin. We watched another playoff game that night. (A win. In fact, it was their last post-season win to date!) After 7 hours on Pit with nothing happening, they decided to break my water. That finally got things moving!
By 1:00 am I was dilated to 3 and ready for an epidural. It took awhile to get it in place because my back was so swollen they couldn’t find the vertebrae! At 2:00 it was all finished and I fell sound asleep. The nurse was supposed to flip me over every 15-20 minutes but didn’t have the heart to wake me. Finally at 2:40 she told me she’d check me mid-roll. I was at 10 and ready to push! It took almost 2 hours of pushing, but at 4:28 am on Sunday, October 12, Smartie entered the world weighing 4lb 4oz and 17.75 inches long. She was taken to the NICU for 5 days, then another 4 days in the Intermediate unit before we finally took her home. She has been our joy ever since! (Mostly. Don't ask about today!)
It was not the intervention-free birth I had hoped for. But I realize how sick I was. If we had tried to wait through the weekend, there was a good chance we would have lost Smartie and/or myself. I look back with no regrets, just glad we both survived.
The Story of Smartie
My pregnancy with Smartie started out very easy—mild nausea in the first trimester and a fantastic second trimester. It wasn’t until ~30 weeks that things started seeming “off”. I started having quite a bit of swelling and some difficulty breathing. My doctor wrote this off as common in pregnancy, and since I’m pretty short there was not much room for baby AND lungs. By 32 weeks my swelling was getting worse. Other people were noticing that my face and hands seemed swollen.
At my 34 week check up, I had gained 10 pounds in two weeks. Quite a gain! My blood pressure was also up from baseline but not quite high enough to be diagnostic. At that point, I wasn’t dropping protein and my doctor wanted to take a wait-and-see approach. My big concern was my breathing. I was gasping for air with very little exertion and had an icy-burn sensation, like stepping out on a cold day and taking a deep breath. We thought maybe an allergy? So my doctor gave me a sample of allergy meds and told me to come back on Friday.
On Friday (35 weeks even) I woke up with a horrible headache. I started to black out in the shower and had to finish sitting down. Walking up and down the stairs caused my heart to race. I somehow made it to the doctor’s. I had gained another 4 pounds in three days, my blood pressure was now 50/50 points above baseline, and my protein dip was a +3. My doctor sent me immediately to the hospital. He wouldn’t even let me drive myself; a nurse drove me!
By the time Papa Runner left work and got to the hospital, they had run numerous tests. The official diagnosis was Pre-Eclampsia. My OB and baby’s pediatrician together decided to send me an hour away to a hospital with a NICU. At one point they talked about using the helicopter, but I stabilized enough for just an ambulance.
Once at the other hospital, they started me on magnesium sulfate to prevent seizures. I also was hooked up to numerous monitors, started on oxygen, and told I couldn’t even sit up. They wanted the lights left low, also to prevent seizures. I was allowed to watch the Cubs playoff game that night, though. Around 2 am, the attending OB finally got around to starting me on Cervadil (cervix softener.) I was on that for 12 hours followed by an hour break, then Pitocin. We watched another playoff game that night. (A win. In fact, it was their last post-season win to date!) After 7 hours on Pit with nothing happening, they decided to break my water. That finally got things moving!
By 1:00 am I was dilated to 3 and ready for an epidural. It took awhile to get it in place because my back was so swollen they couldn’t find the vertebrae! At 2:00 it was all finished and I fell sound asleep. The nurse was supposed to flip me over every 15-20 minutes but didn’t have the heart to wake me. Finally at 2:40 she told me she’d check me mid-roll. I was at 10 and ready to push! It took almost 2 hours of pushing, but at 4:28 am on Sunday, October 12, Smartie entered the world weighing 4lb 4oz and 17.75 inches long. She was taken to the NICU for 5 days, then another 4 days in the Intermediate unit before we finally took her home. She has been our joy ever since! (Mostly. Don't ask about today!)
It was not the intervention-free birth I had hoped for. But I realize how sick I was. If we had tried to wait through the weekend, there was a good chance we would have lost Smartie and/or myself. I look back with no regrets, just glad we both survived.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Great Book
I am reading the most fascinating (and infuriating) book! It's called The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth. The author went through hundreds of research projects to examine the standard practices in modern obstetrics to see if they really benefit women and babies. It's really shocking how many things have been repeatedly proven to be harmful but are still used on a regular basis. I'd recommend this book to anyone pregnant or thinking of becoming pregnant.
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Now a money saving tip: Prescription prenatal vitamins are free at Meijer's!
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Now a money saving tip: Prescription prenatal vitamins are free at Meijer's!
Friday, January 2, 2009
Goals
I have two goals for Sweetie to reach before the babies come this summer, and I'm not very excited about tackling either one of them.
First, potty training. She went through a phase a few months ago where she sat on the potty several times a day but never actually went. She started doing it again in the last few days, usually telling me, "I'm wet (or poopy,) change me, go potty, M&M!" I know this would be an ideal window of time to get it done, but I just don't have the energy right now to spend hours in the bathroom waiting for her to go.
Second, big girl bed. This would take less effort on my part, but Smartie stopped taking naps as soon as she made the switch. I rely on Sweetie's naptime quite a bit right now, as I need my own afternoon nap. So the big girl bed does not appeal to me very much. It needs to be done, though, because we'll need the crib.
The whole sleeping arrangement is stressing me a little, too. I don't think two cribs will fit in the nursery. We may need to put the girls in bunk beds in the nursery and put the babies in the bigger room. I don't think Smartie will give up her room without a fight. Of course, we could try to sell our house, purchase a new one, and move...UGH, not while I'm this tired and sick!
First, potty training. She went through a phase a few months ago where she sat on the potty several times a day but never actually went. She started doing it again in the last few days, usually telling me, "I'm wet (or poopy,) change me, go potty, M&M!" I know this would be an ideal window of time to get it done, but I just don't have the energy right now to spend hours in the bathroom waiting for her to go.
Second, big girl bed. This would take less effort on my part, but Smartie stopped taking naps as soon as she made the switch. I rely on Sweetie's naptime quite a bit right now, as I need my own afternoon nap. So the big girl bed does not appeal to me very much. It needs to be done, though, because we'll need the crib.
The whole sleeping arrangement is stressing me a little, too. I don't think two cribs will fit in the nursery. We may need to put the girls in bunk beds in the nursery and put the babies in the bigger room. I don't think Smartie will give up her room without a fight. Of course, we could try to sell our house, purchase a new one, and move...UGH, not while I'm this tired and sick!
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