Blessed

You know that saying, God won't give you more than you can handle? Well, I must be the most pathetic baby Christian ever. This is what He's given me to handle:

• loving parents who cared for my needs and raised me well
• a husband who loves me and our children and who provides for our needs
• a beautiful, large home
• a van AND a car
• four fabulous children who are smart, beautiful, and well behaved
• a healthy family
• access to quality health care the rare time we're not
• plentiful food and clean water
• a safe city with low crime and no war
• a college degree so I could provide for my family if I needed to
• enough money that I can stay home
• freedom to worship Him as I choose
• a wonderful church family
• sisters who are my best friends
• a great extended family

In fact, I can't think of one problem to complain about. Oh sure, my life isn't perfect, but it isn't a struggle. I've been so blessed.

Home with Sick Kids

We stayed home from church today with sick kids. What do we do when we're sick? Watch Sesame Street videos on YouTube, of course. Is it sad that I know these versions better than the real songs? Some of our favorites:

Volunteer Profile: Marathon Runner

Volunteer Profile: Marathon Runner

How cool is this? I'm the featured volunteer in the September newsletter for the Preeclampsia Foundation!

Weird Dream

Last night I dreamed I was a superspy who could turn invisible. I was having a lot of trouble sneaking into the terrorist compound despite my invisibility. Suddenly, I realize I'm dreaming. I turn to my Handler and say, "You know this is a dream, right?"

He says, "Yeah, so?"

I say, "Well then, I can just *fly* in."

"No," he says, "that's not your superpower."

Can I nitpick a moment?

What idiot came up with the current breast cancer awareness campaigns? When I was at the doctor this week, there was a big sign promoting mammograms and self exams. The tag line said, "Many things run in families. Don't let breast cancer be one of them." Ok, I'm pretty sure mammograms don't alter your DNA. Self exams can't prevent you from passing on certain genes to your offspring. If you have a genetic predisposition to breast cancer, it runs in your family whether you get checked or not.

Then there's the PSA done by the women on a local news team reminding us to do our monthly exam and annual mammogram. It says, "The best prevention is early detection." Hello! If you're detecting it, early or otherwise, it's *already happened*! You haven't prevented anything! Unless they're referring to preventing deaths by getting treatment sooner rather than the cancer itself,  but that's not how it sounds.

"Logic! Why don't they teach logic at these schools?"

Stop following

There's a blog in my reading list that I can't stop following. I don't mean that in a "this is so good I can't help myself" way. I literally can't make it stop. I've followed the instructions at least twenty times on multiple days, and it just keeps coming back. There are other blogs I can't stop following, but I don't mind the others so much. This one, though, never fails to make me feel horrible about myself. It's no good to just ignore it and not read; its very presence in my reader is enough to remind me I'm not good enough. Who can I contact to make it stop?

Fear and Violence

I've been reading a fascinating book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. It's all about who commits violence, the warning signs that most people miss, and how to trust your instincts to keep yourself safe. He talks about many types of violence: serial rapists/murderers, wife beaters, stalkers, children who kill parents. I had just finished the chapter on attention-seeking crimes entitled, "Better to be Wanted by the Police than Not Wanted At All," when I heard about Aurora, CO. Why did this man commit this crime? Easy! He wanted the attention. And we're giving him exactly what he wants.

De Becker maintains violent people are in many ways just like the rest of us, and only in a few ways are they different. They want to feel powerful. They want to matter. And when they can't get what they want in socially acceptable ways, they turn to violence to make it happen.

On Facebook the last few days, I've seen this picture from several friends. I don't know if this note is real, or if someone made it up. More important to me, it has tens of thousands of likes. We like it because we like justice: the bully will get what he deserves in the form of a beating. The bullied will be protected. But is justice more important than safety? Will the bully react the way the rest of us would, avoiding the pain and embarassment of a showdown with the linebacker? Remember, his goals in bullying is to be powerful and significant. Will this make him more or less powerful? More or less significant? Will his desire to avoid the linebacker be greater than his desire for power and significance?

Maybe the bully will stop bothering the gay kid (or maybe not). Maybe he'll avoid the linebacker (or maybe he'll bring a gun to school to get revenge for stealing his power and making him insignificant). Maybe this note will temporarily avoid violence. But not forever. Eventually, one way or another, this bully will get his power and significance. Maybe he'll shoot his boss in revenge for firing him. Maybe he'll stalk an ex-girlfriend. Maybe he'll beat his wife and children.

Or maybe, he'll walk into a crowded theater and open fire. What can be more powerful than taking someone's life? What can be more significant than being on the news for months, years even?

We say tragedies like these are "senseless", yet our very society contributes to it by advocating violence. How different could it be if, instead of threatening and embarrasing the bully, someone helped him find his power and significance in something other than violence?

Olympics

I'm looking forward to the Summer Games. Four years ago, Smartie loved watching. All four kids will be excited, I think. While I appreciate him as an athlete, I really hope these Olympics don't become the Michael Phelps Show like Beijing. Yes, his 8 golds were amazing, but there were a lot of other fantastic athletes who were ignored. I remember one female swimmer who won gold. When they interviewed her, they said, "You just won the gold! What do you think of Michael Phelps?" Her face fell for just a second, then she graciously said he was so great, etc. I felt so bad for her. I wish ALL our athletes well, and hope they all get the praise they're due.

Zynga

I read an article today that the stock of Zynga, the complany that makes Farmville, Frontierville, and a dozen other -villes, is dropping fast. I can't say I'm surprised. I played Frontierville for quite a while. It's a pretty fun game. But the business model is inherently flawed. It's a "free" game. How can you make money off a free game? By offering virtual in-game money paid for with real money.

You can spend your virtual money on the ability to skip a mission, or to purchase the items needed to complete a mission. (Also on decorations, but how many people will buy a virtual rock garden?) Think about this: you can pay money to not play the game. Really. Why would I pay money to not play the game when I can not-play for free by just, you know, not playing? Not to mention the whole reason a game is fun is the sense of accomplishment when you conquer it. Very few people will pay actual money to skip/complete missions.

They made the missions harder to complete in an attempt to force people to pay. When I finally quit playing Frontierville, I had 15 missions in my queue. In order to get the things I needed to finish said missions, I would need to request gobs of items from my neighbors. I can only make a certain number of requests a day, can only receive a certain number of items per request, and can only get a limited number of items per day by answering my neighbors' requests. I counted up the number of items I needed, and it would have taken me at least 2 months to get the needed items, assuming I was able to ask the full number of allowed times and got the full number of answers every day. And that was just for the missions currently in my queue! The only way to catch up is to pay to not play which, as I said, defeats the whole point of playing.

And that's why players are leaving Zynga games in droves, and why Zynga stock is dropping like a rock.

Motherhood is a Ministry, Too!

Last year, Papa Runner and I participated in a three-session Bible study on spiritual gifts. The last night of the study, someone mentioned, with my talents and interests, I was probably involved with the crisis pregnancy center. I said I would like to work with them someday, but not at this time since my children are young. This threw the conversation off on a tangent where someone (I don't remember who) said we can't use having kids as an excuse not to serve God. A young mother mentioned how guilty she felt that she couldn't do more to serve the Lord, and a mother whose children were grown felt guilty that she hadn't done more when her kids were young.

This conversation upset me a lot, but I didn't say anything at the time, partly because I'm an introvert and partly because when we got home I discovered I had a fever of 104 and just wasn't able to organize my thoughts properly. It's been over a year, but it still pops into my head from time to time. I know I won't be able to let it go until I get my thoughts out, so here goes.

I am not working with the crisis pregnancy center or any other formal ministry at this time because my children are young, and I don't feel the least bit guilty. I am already called to a very important ministry, and it takes number one priority. In fact, it's SO important, it takes numbers two, three, four, and five priority! My calling is to raise my children to know and love the Lord. Period. Any other ministry that takes away from my first ministry is NOT what I am called to do, no matter how good it is, no matter how well it fits with my gifts.

Now, if I can serve God in other ways without neglecting my role as mother, great! If I can find ways to serve God with my children, even better. Part of my motherhood ministry is to teach my children to serve God and others. But the ministry of motherhood is of utmost importance!

Part of what bothered me that night is that I'm already getting the message from the world and from the feminist movement that being "just" a mom is not good enough. Motherhood is not valued, and only productive work outside the home counts toward my worth. I do not need to hear that from the Church. Quite the opposite, the Church should value and support the ministry of motherhood. If we fail in raising our kids to know the Lord, there won't be a Church much longer. I don't have to serve God outside the home to have a worthwhile ministry. In fact, I shouldn't serve God outside the home if it takes away from my calling within the home. I'm not saying it's wrong to be involved in other ministries if you can, but they should not take away from raising our children.

So mothers, don't feel guilty for not doing more to serve God. You're already doing the most important ministry you will ever do. And don't get so busy in outside service that you neglect your motherhood ministry.

"And ye shall teach them [the Word of the Lord] your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." Deuteronomy 11:19 KJV

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth." 3 John 4 KJV

VBS Object Lesson: Gentleness

ETA: I get 50ish hits a week on this post most of the year, and 250 hits a week during VBS planning season. I'm glad people are interested in the lesson! If you'd like to take the time to come back and comment, I'd love to know if you used it and how it went, if you have any suggestions or alternative stories, etc.

Last night I taught the object lesson on gentleness for VBS. Here's what I did.

Topic : Gentleness

Intro: Has anyone ever been mean to you? Have you ever been mean to someone else? Have you ever seen someone be mean to someone else?

Story: The Woman with an Issue of Blood (Mark 5:25-34). Emphasize the woman was unclean, dirty. If anyone touched her, they would be unclean, too. If she sat in a chair or ate from dishes, they would be unclean and no one else could use them. No one wanted to touch her or be near her because, eww, she was dirty. How did she feel? (sad, angry, lonely) She spent all her money on doctors, but all their medicine just made her worse. She suffered for 12 years. Finally she went to Jesus and was healed by touching the hem of his garment. When He found out what had happened, He didn't say, "Gross, you're unclean and you made me unclean, too." No, he treated her with gentleness. He said, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace."

Object lesson

Supplies: two raw eggs with smiley faces drawn on them (VERY IMPORTANT: make sure there are no cracks in the shells), safety pin or straight pin, q-tip, bowl and table, drop cloth to protect floor (or do outside), apron for adult

Process: Did you know it's impossible to break an egg by squeezing it, if the shell is intact? Let kids squeeze it. [I did not let the VBS kids try to squeeze it, too many kids who might throw it! But I would let a smaller group try to squeeze the egg.] Give your egg a name. Have the kids say mean things to the egg. You're stupid, fat, ugly, you smell, I don't like you, etc. For each mean thing that is said, carefully use the pin to poke a small hole in the shell.

I did a pattern with one hole in the center and several holes in a circle around. [I drew dots to show what I mean. In actuallity, you can barely see the holes.] Does "George" look any different? No, he's still smiling. But what happens to his heart when mean things are said?

If you put your thumb in the center of the pinhole circle, you can smash it easily. Crush the egg with your hand into the bowl.

Can we put the egg back together? No, only God can heal a broken heart.

Now have the kids use gentle words to the second egg. For each nice thing, rub the egg with the q-tip. Can we break "Bob's" heart? No, no matter how hard we squeeze, we can't break this egg because it's been treated with gentleness.

Conclusion: Treat others with gentleness, as Jesus did to the Woman.

Verse: Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls. Matt 11:29

Sunday School Nominations

Nomination ballots went out for Sunday School teachers today. This fall, all of my kids will be in Sunday school. I have a degree in education, and I love working with the 10 and unders. So if you're wondering whether being nominated would make me happy or sad, the answer is happy.

Crunchy Chili

Back in 1999, I spent a month in Mexico with a missionary family. The wife, Jan, went back to the States to visit family, and my friend Emily and I were left in charge of the household. We were to make the midday meal every day for the men.

One day we decided to make chili--nice, easy recipe we knew by heart, right? So we made the grocery list and sent Marshall to the market. He came back with a bag of dried beans. What on earth are these, we both said. We'd never seen beans that weren't in a can. And to further complicate the issue, the instructions were written in Spanish.

We got out our Spanish-English dictionary and started translating, only to discover these things had to be soaked overnight! It's now 10:00 and lunch is at 1:00. We did the only thing we could think of: threw the beans into a pot of boiling water for the next three hours. We prepared everything else for the meal and waited until the last second to add the beans to the soup.

We held our breath while Marshall, Loren, and Josue took a bite. No one said a word. We breathed a sigh of relief and took our own bites. CRUNCH!

We laughed so hard we had tears streaming down our faces for the entire meal, and yet the guys were very good sports and ate the whole pot.

I am a Mother

There are lots of comments I could make, but I won't. I refuse to be free advertising for Magazine-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named.

I will just say this: I am a mother. I am unique. My children are unique. My specific circumstances are unique. I do the best I can for my family with the information, resources, and support available to me. I have nothing but respect for ALL mothers who are doing the same. Your version of best may not look exactly like mine, and that's okay. My choices are not a judgement on yours, and yours are not a judgement on mine. They are merely what works best for us.

Do you have a preeclampsia story?

If the course of your pregnancy, birth, and/or post partum was altered by preeclampsia, I would like to share your story. It doesn't matter how dramatic or "routine," you are a sister survivor. I hope to make "Survivor Saturday" a regular feature on my running blog, and my weekend training run will be dedicated to you and your baby. Stories can be submitted to kingtaran at yahoo dot com. And if you are a family member who lost someone to PE, I would like your story on her behalf as well.

What AM I Running For?

Cross posted from my running blog:

When I was in Jr. High, High School, even college, I hated running. I even got in serious trouble for refusing to run in gym class. (Oh, what a rebel I was at my VERY small private school!) How on earth did I get from there to here?


Five years ago last month, I lost my best friend to leukemia. A few months later, her husband, parents, and another friend raised money through the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team In Training by doing a century bike ride. My second child was a year old, and I wanted to get back in shape. My husband and I decided to do a fundraiser of our own. We ran our first half marathon in San Diego in June of 2008. We both caught the bug.

These days, I run for a number of reasons. I run for my health. I run to keep up with my children. (When my son makes a break for it, as he does at least twice a week, I need to be able to catch him. He's a fast little booger!) With four children, I run to get some me time.

As of today, I have a new reason to run. May is Preeclampsia Awareness Month. Preeclampsia is a common pregnancy complication that can potentially be life threatening to both mother and child. I am a three-time survivor. I signed up for my second marathon today, and I will be running to raise money for the Preeclampsia Foundation and to raise awareness of this devastating condition.

If you would like to sponsor me, you can visit the Preeclampsia Foundation's secure donation page and click on "Donate As a Guest". Be sure to select the box that says "This is a tribute in honor of" and enter my name. If you'd prefer to send a check, you can make it payable to the Preeclampsia Foundation and mail it to me. If you need my address, e-mail me at kingtaran at yahoo dot com.

While it is important to raise funds for research so we can end this condition, it's also important to raise awareness so mothers and babies can have the best chance of survival. I have a number of posts planned for this month. I knew nothing of preeclampsia before I was diagnosed, and it nearly cost me my life. It is so important to know the signs and symptoms and to advocate for yourself.

Memories

I was in Jr. High when Wayne's World came out. My friends and I saw it about 40 times together and especially loved the Bohemian Rhapsody scene. One day, my mom was driving us to a field trip in her Dodge Omni. We sang this at the top of our lungs and head banged away. The teacher driving behind us said the whole car was bouncing, and over the next week all four tires went flat. Ah, memories. J-JASS forever!

I've started a new blog for running, What You Running For. I plan to still keep this one for family stuff, and the other one will be specifically for running and pre-eclampsia advocacy. I want to use my running to raise awareness and research funds for this devastating condition that has had such a profound effect on my life.

The Biggest Loser

The Biggest Loser is one of my favorite shows. In fact, I often do a treadmill workout while watching. But last night's episode was such a load of crap. The contestants are all going to quit because they only want to compete against people who "deserve" to be there? And it's not fair that eliminated contestants can come back, even though it's been done almost every previous season AND it was explicitly in the contract they read and signed?

The reason you deserve to be there is because you did the work to avoid elimination. Oh wait, I know for sure Mark, Conda, and Kim all spent time below the yellow line, maybe the others as well. Well, you deserve to be there because you made the right alliances to keep you safe and/or the person you were up against was hated more.

But the contestant who returns will also deserve to be there for having done what it takes to win the challenge.

This whole season has been a Mean Girls Club. First it was Mike, who was eliminated because he was a loudmouth. Then they transferred their hate to Adrian, who dared to be the new guy. Once he was gone, Kim was the target even though she had previously been one of the worst Mean Girls. And now it's all the returning contestants. And the Mean Girls are all going to quit, because if they can't get their way they just won't play. I had really thought Mark and Buddy, at least, were above all that, but they were the ones to actually go through with quitting. What a bunch of babies.

Sweetie is doing so well

Sweetie was diagnosed with kidney reflux a year ago. We were told that a Grade 1-2 will clear up on its own, while a Grade 4-5 definitely needs surgery. She was a Grade 3. We decided to wait for a year to see if she outgrew it. Even 3 months ago, she was complaining of pain every day, and I was convinced she'd need surgery.

Then one day I realized she wasn't complaining any more. In the last 2 months, she's gained some weight. Not a lot, but still. AND her preschool, Sunday school, and co-op teachers have all commented that she's participating more, making friends, and just happier.

She was retested a few weeks ago, and there's NO reflux. I didn't realize how much it affected her, but I'm so thrilled to see her blossoming. And so thrilled she doesn't need surgery.

DWTS Most Memorable Year

Last week was "Most Memorable Year" week on Dancing with the Stars. My most memorable year was 2009, the year the twins were born. I spent the first half of the year terrified I'd lose them and the second half struggling to care for them. But I'd do it all again to have them. So if I were on DWTS, the song I'd pick to represent my year would be Kelly Clarkson's My Life Would Suck Without You.



What's your most memorable year, and what song (released in that year) would you pick to go with it?

ER visit

I've had some mild chest pain, more of an ache, for two days. Yesterday, I had a low fever and a sinus headache, and my lungs felt heavy. Seemed like a typical cold. Today, the chest pain has localized to a small spot in my right lung. I also coughed up some blood. Because I have a blood clotting mutation (MTHFR a1298c) and because my sister has had a pulmonary embolism, I decided I should get checked out.

The EKG was fine, chest x-ray was clear, and blood work (including d-dimer which looks for blood clots) was normal. So I'm home with orders to rest, follow up with my doctor next week, and come back if the pain gets worse.

New Goal

So this blog has gotten kind of neglected. I'm a lot more active on Facebook. But I did want to update with my running goal for the year.

This year, I plan to run 1000 miles. This is about a 20 mile/week average, with a little wiggle room. I'm already off to a good start: we're 1/4 done with 2012, and I just reached 250 miles (1/4) today. To reach this goal, I've been running twice during the week, 4-6 miles each, with a weekend long run ranging from a minimum of 6 to a maximum of 20, depending on what I'm training for and where I'm at in the training.

Training for the Little Rock marathon got me well on my way, since at the beginning of the year I was doing 14+ miles most Saturdays, but now that I'm done with that my long runs are more in the 6-12 mile range. Once Papa Runner is done with his next race at the end of the month, I plan to gear back up for my next marathon. I haven't officially signed up yet, but I'm hoping to do the Leading Ladies marathon in South Dakota in August.

After that, it's Papa Runner's turn again for a fall race, and then I hope to do the Disney Goofy Challenge in January, but that's not firm yet. If I can't do it in 2013, I'll do it for sure in 2014.

All of this is just ground work for my long term goal. And this goal is pretty crazy and impossible.

When I was training for my first race, my coach told me every runner should have 3 goals: a weekly goal that's fairly easy to achieve, a medium term goal 3-6 months out that's "on the edge of achieveable" with hard work and a little luck, and a Crazy, Impossible Goal, one you may never actually reach, but that you set anyway to keep you motivated. At the time, I set the Goofy as my CIG, but now that it's on the horizon, I've set a new one. I haven't shared it with anyone other than Papa Runner, my parents, and my sisters, but someday I'll make it public.

My First Marathon

I finished my first marathon in Little Rock on Sunday. Papa Runner and I flew down Friday and spent a great evening with some friends who had moved there a few years ago. On Saturday, I picked up my packet from the Expo, bought a new 26.2 sticker for my van, and attended a meeting for the early starters.

One of the reasons I picked Little Rock is for its generous time limit. Many races have a cut-off of 6 hours or even less. I thought I could finish in 6 on a good day, but I wanted a cushion in case conditions were less than ideal. Little Rock has an early start for anyone expecting to take more than 6 hours, so the course time limit is 8 hours if starting early. This early start is ONLY for those needing more than 6 hours, and they will disqualify you if you're significantly under that. At the meeting, we learned the rules for avoiding the DQ: stay behind the 6-hour pace team until the half way point. Then, if you're having a great day, go ahead and finish faster.



Sunday morning, I headed out just behind the 6-hour pace team. There were two pacers, one a little ahead of the other, and with my walk/run ratio, I'd catch up to the lead one during my run and fall back to the trailing one during my walk. The second pacer, Steve, was absolutely the perfect guy for the job. He's done almost 200 marathons. He'd announce everything he was doing ("I will start running at the corner, and run for 1 minute"), and at each mile marker he'd let us know we were "20 seconds ahead, but there's a hill coming up" or "30 seconds behind, but we'll make it up on the downhill." There was quite a group around him, all having a blast.

The first ten miles went great. Miles 10-15 are a steady uphill climb, but not too bad. Yay for stair training! Mile 16 is a pretty steep downhill, and I made up a lot of time there. That was where I passed the pace team, and stayed a little ahead the rest of the race. Once we got down that hill, the course heads out into an open park, where it was sunny and hot. Even there, though, I felt pretty good. Papa Runner was able to cheer me on at several places on the course, and it always gave me a boost. I saw him for the last time at mile 24, and that's when I finally started to feel less than great. My ankle, which had been acting up a few weeks ago, started to get achy, and the general stress of having run 4 miles farther than I ever had before was catching up. BUT I never had a "hitting the wall" moment, and I never missed a run interval.

I had thought I could do a 6 hour marathon on a good day. Turns out it was a great day. My final time was 5:56:27. I had signed up in the "walker" division, and it turns out I was 8th place among the walkers, 4th place for women! I'm pretty excited about that. I got a HUGE medal, too. Little Rock is known for having the biggest marathon medal, and since this year was their 10th run, it was even bigger. Amy won my "Guess the Finish Time" contest with a guess of 5:53. She just edged out Staci, who was 33 seconds over. (Sisterly rivalry!) Amy, I'll get your Panera card to you soon.



This was such an amazing experience, and I can't wait to do it again. I have to give a big Thank You to everyone who supported me before, during, and after the race. It was such fun to see the comments here and on Facebook. I don't have any marathons currently on the schedule, but I'm signed up for the half at Champaign in 8 weeks. I'm hoping to turn my unofficial PR of 2:44 into an official one. I'll be looking for more marathons with favorable time limits, maybe in the fall. And I'm still debating about attempting the Disney Goofy in January 2013 or waiting until 2014.

A Contest

So Sunday I will be running my first full marathon in Little Rock. I thought it would be fun to do a little give-away. I'm offering a $10 gift card to Panera to the person who guesses my finish time, Price is Right rules (closest without going over). To give you an idea of my potential time, my personal record for the half marathon is 2 hours 44 minutes. I finished my 20-mile run in 4 hours 50 minutes. I expect to finish between 6 and 6.5 hours, but it could be later depending on how things go. Entries must be submitted by 6:00am Sunday (start time). Encouraging thoughts appreciated.

That Moment

Warning: If you're the squeamish type, you should skip this post. You definitely should NOT scroll down to the pictures.

Have you ever experienced That Moment? You know, when there's something potentially dangerous nearby and you know you shouldn't leave them unsupervised, but you've just got one thing to do that'll only take a minute? And then you hear the shrieks that let you know you're The Worst Mother in the History of the World? That Moment? We had one of those on Monday.

Smartie had asked if she could walk on the treadmill for PE, which she's done a few times before. Papa Runner and I have warned our kids over and over not to go near the treadmill when it's on. Smartie had completed a 1/4 mile and the other kids were otherwise engaged when I heard the washing machine buzz. I ran up to move the load over and was on my way back down when it happened. Sassy had touched the treadmill.

She lost the entire outer layer of skin on the bottom of two fingers from just above the second knuckle to the tip. Amazingly, there doesn't seem to be any damage to muscle or bone, thank God. But seeing her shredded fingers was still a heart-stopping moment.

This has been giving me PTSD-style flashbacks to when Sweetie nearly lost her finger to infection. They had to take the skin off from the second knuckle up, and it looked almost exactly like this but with neater edges. She ended up with a lot of scarring. With regular massage and what the doctor called "informal PT," it doesn't seem to affect her now. She has almost the full range of motion, just can't straighten it the last bit, and is learning to write without a problem.

Our biggest concern for Sassy, of course, is infection. In fact, I decided not to take her to the doctor because I'm sure that's where Sweetie was exposed after a minor cut, and that led to a 4 day hospital stay and the word "amputation" being thrown around. I've been keeping them bandaged with antibiotic ointment. The next biggest concern is scarring. I'm already planning to massage them regularly with vitamin E oil once they're healed enough.

We are now 3 days past the injury. She doesn't complain of pain except when we change the bandages, which is an ordeal. She asks Monkey to hold her hand, and he faithfully does. (Twins are awesome!) This morning they were still very swollen, and she couldn't bend them much, but seemed a little better tonight. I'm hoping they don't stiffen and that she'll have a good range of motion.

The injury is to her left hand, and while my other kids were clearly righties from birth, Sassy uses both hands almost equally, the left a little more than the right. I wonder if this will push her into preferring the right or if she'll remain ambidextrous/left-handed.





The bandages back on, and she's happy. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.

Dealing with Miscarriage

So my previous post was triggered by this "Pop Quiz" that appeared in Good Housekeeping. It offers a scenario of a woman who has announced her pregnancy but then suffers a miscarriage and asks what you would do, offering three choices--do nothing because miscarriage is private, leave a note and flowers on her desk, or tell her you're there for her if she needs to talk. Now I have lost two babies in the first trimester, and speaking for myself I would prefer a note or kind word. I certainly know not all women would deal with this situation as I would. Some prefer to grieve privately, and that is totally okay. I would never judge another woman for how she chooses to mourn.

Good Housekeeping could have said that people grieve differently and the correct response is to follow their cues, offering support if it's welcome and leaving them alone if that's their preference. But that's not what they said. They said the correct response is to do nothing. My knee jerk reaction was that this idea that miscarriage must always be private reinforces old taboos (which, thankfully, seem to be disappearing) and does a disservice to women like me who want and need the support. I did not mean to imply that those who grieve privately are doing anything wrong. I was just upset at the insinuation that those of us who are more open in our grief are the ones in the wrong.

What would you do?

I'm really curious to know how people would handle these hypothetical situations.

Situation 1: Your coworker Lucy is not at work today. Word spreads through the office that her father died suddenly last night. What do you do?

a: Tell her you're sorry for her loss when she returns.

b: Leave a note of sympathy on her desk.

c: Do nothing. Grief is private, and if she wants to talk with you she will.

Now let's alter it slightly.

Situation 2: Your coworker Lucy recently announced her pregnancy, but is not at work today. Word spreads through the office that she miscarried. What do you do?

a: Tell her you're sorry for her loss when she returns.

b: Leave a note of sympathy on her desk.

c: Do nothing. Grief is private, and if she wants to talk with you she will.

Was your response different? Why or why not?