Dealing with Miscarriage

So my previous post was triggered by this "Pop Quiz" that appeared in Good Housekeeping. It offers a scenario of a woman who has announced her pregnancy but then suffers a miscarriage and asks what you would do, offering three choices--do nothing because miscarriage is private, leave a note and flowers on her desk, or tell her you're there for her if she needs to talk. Now I have lost two babies in the first trimester, and speaking for myself I would prefer a note or kind word. I certainly know not all women would deal with this situation as I would. Some prefer to grieve privately, and that is totally okay. I would never judge another woman for how she chooses to mourn.

Good Housekeeping could have said that people grieve differently and the correct response is to follow their cues, offering support if it's welcome and leaving them alone if that's their preference. But that's not what they said. They said the correct response is to do nothing. My knee jerk reaction was that this idea that miscarriage must always be private reinforces old taboos (which, thankfully, seem to be disappearing) and does a disservice to women like me who want and need the support. I did not mean to imply that those who grieve privately are doing anything wrong. I was just upset at the insinuation that those of us who are more open in our grief are the ones in the wrong.