One month ago...

One month ago tomorrow I got the confirmation I had known was coming--my baby is dead. It seems strange to be writing this, and yet I also think it's strange that our culture keeps miscarriages a secret. In the time it took for me to realize the stick had turned pink, I was already completely in love with this precious, beautiful life growing within me. It's crazy to think a grieving mother should smile and pretend everything is okay just because the child hadn't been born yet.

I was only seven weeks along, had known for about three and a half. I never got to hear a heartbeat or feel that first fluttery movement. I didn't get to find out the sex (although I have a strong instinct it was a boy) or see if he looked like me or favored his daddy. I never got to put him to my breast, hold his hand as he walked, help him learn to read, teach him to pray. And that's exactly what I'm grieving. All those moments, big and small, the hopes and dreams, have been taken from me.

I have been through this before, between the two girls, and I know I'll be okay. I just need to get some of this out of my head so I can process it a little better. That's enough for tonight, but don't be surprised if there's more later.

My ankle hurts...

I strained a ligament last week and will have to walk my next race. I'm so frustrated. This training has not gone well. I was really hoping to improve on my time from San Diego, but that isn't looking too promising right now.

Oh well, now I need to re-focus on the positives.

Sweetie remembers last night...

Sweetie --Mommy, there's a baby!
M--Oh really, what's that baby's name?
Sweetie --Baby Bock!
M--Baby Brock? He was here last night.
Sweetie --No, Baby Zi!
M--Baby Zion was here, too.
Sweetie --And Baby Aza!
M--Yes, baby Ava was here, too.
Sweetie --And Gama! OH NO!!! Where'd they go?
M--They went home. It was time for bed.
Sweetie --Sh, baby seepin'.

Babywearing Class Tonight!

Class went well. I was a little nervous at first, but it was all friends and family. I could talk about babywearing for hours, and it was hard to cut it down to 30 minutes. I probably talked too fast, but it went well. Now on to advertising!

Anyone who couldn't make the class but is interested should let me know. I can do a one-on-one, or if enough people are interested I'll host another class.

Rescheduled Class

My first Bonny Blue class had to be rescheduled. I am planning to host my first class next Tuesday, August 19. There is room for a few more if anyone is interested. The class costs $5 unless you purchase a sling from me, then the class is free.

Children are welcome but not required. It's easier to learn to use the carriers with a live baby, but you can also use a practice doll if you prefer an evening out alone.