The Cover and Title Page

That Moment

2012-01-26T19:37:00.003-06:00

Warning: If you're the squeamish type, you should skip this post. You definitely should NOT scroll down to the pictures.

Have you ever experienced That Moment? You know, when there's something potentially dangerous nearby and you know you shouldn't leave them unsupervised, but you've just got one thing to do that'll only take a minute? And then you hear the shrieks that let you know you're The Worst Mother in the History of the World? That Moment? We had one of those on Monday.

Ethne had asked if she could walk on the treadmill for PE, which she's done a few times before. Brett and I have warned our kids over and over not to go near the treadmill when it's on. Ethne had completed a 1/4 mile and the other kids were otherwise engaged when I heard the washing machine buzz. I ran up to move the load over and was on my way back down when it happened. Riley had touched the treadmill.

She lost the entire outer layer of skin on the bottom of two fingers from just above the second knuckle to the tip. Amazingly, there doesn't seem to be any damage to muscle or bone, thank God. But seeing her shredded fingers was still a heart-stopping moment.

This has been giving me PTSD-style flashbacks to when Catie nearly lost her finger to infection. They had to take the skin off from the second knuckle up, and it looked almost exactly like this but with neater edges. She ended up with a lot of scarring. With regular massage and what the doctor called "informal PT," it doesn't seem to affect her now. She has almost the full range of motion, just can't straighten it the last bit, and is learning to write without a problem.

Our biggest concern for Riley, of course, is infection. In fact, I decided not to take her to the doctor because I'm sure that's where Catie was exposed after a minor cut, and that led to a 4 day hospital stay and the word "amputation" being thrown around. I've been keeping them bandaged with antibiotic ointment. The next biggest concern is scarring. I'm already planning to massage them regularly with vitamin E oil once they're healed enough.

We are now 3 days past the injury. She doesn't complain of pain except when we change the bandages, which is an ordeal. She asks Gavin to hold her hand, and he faithfully does. (Twins are awesome!) This morning they were still very swollen, and she couldn't bend them much, but seemed a little better tonight. I'm hoping they don't stiffen and that she'll have a good range of motion.

The injury is to her left hand, and while my other kids were clearly righties from birth, Riley uses both hands almost equally, the left a little more than the right. I wonder if this will push her into preferring the right or if she'll remain ambidextrous/left-handed.

The bandages back on, and she's happy. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.

Dealing with Miscarriage

2012-01-16T22:38:00.003-06:00

So my previous post was triggered by this "Pop Quiz" that appeared in Good Housekeeping. It offers a scenario of a woman who has announced her pregnancy but then suffers a miscarriage and asks what you would do, offering three choices--do nothing because miscarriage is private, leave a note and flowers on her desk, or tell her you're there for her if she needs to talk. Now I have lost two babies in the first trimester, and speaking for myself I would prefer a note or kind word. I certainly know not all women would deal with this situation as I would. Some prefer to grieve privately, and that is totally okay. I would never judge another woman for how she chooses to mourn.

Good Housekeeping could have said that people grieve differently and the correct response is to follow their cues, offering support if it's welcome and leaving them alone if that's their preference. But that's not what they said. They said the correct response is to do nothing. My knee jerk reaction was that this idea that miscarriage must always be private reinforces old taboos (which, thankfully, seem to be disappearing) and does a disservice to women like me who want and need the support. I did not mean to imply that those who grieve privately are doing anything wrong. I was just upset at the insinuation that those of us who are more open in our grief are the ones in the wrong.

What would you do?

2012-01-15T18:42:00.003-06:00

I'm really curious to know how people would handle these hypothetical situations.

Situation 1: Your coworker Lucy is not at work today. Word spreads through the office that her father died suddenly last night. What do you do?

a: Tell her you're sorry for her loss when she returns.

b: Leave a note of sympathy on her desk.

c: Do nothing. Grief is private, and if she wants to talk with you she will.

Now let's alter it slightly.

Situation 2: Your coworker Lucy recently announced her pregnancy, but is not at work today. Word spreads through the office that she miscarried. What do you do?

a: Tell her you're sorry for her loss when she returns.

b: Leave a note of sympathy on her desk.

c: Do nothing. Grief is private, and if she wants to talk with you she will.

Was your response different? Why or why not?

Can I Keep You Forever?

2011-11-04T21:45:00.003-05:00

I ask my kids that all the time. Until just last week, Ethne always said yes. Now she says I have to let her grow up and move out someday.

Catie, on the other hand, is NEVER moving out and is quite happy to let me keep her forever.

Gavin always says, "Yeah," and snuggles in a little closer.

And Riley, at age 2, is already adamant that I am definitely NOT keeping her! At all! Ever! With a really horrified look on her face. I tell you, this girl is going to be my trouble teen. (But if we can channel her passion into a worthy cause, she's gonna change the world.)

Fish or Mammal?

2011-10-26T21:16:00.002-05:00

Ethne studied aquatic animals last school year. This week she asked me, "Are mermaids fish or mammals? Because if they're mammals, they'd have to go to the surface to breathe, but King Triton wouldn't allow Ariel to go to the surface, so she'd die if she was a mammal. But if she's a fish she should have gills, and I didn't see any gills on her. And when she *did* go to the surface, she didn't die in the air either. So how do mermaids breathe, lungs or gills?"

Very good question. Why couldn't you be more scientifically accurate, Disney?

For Grace and Ian

2011-10-15T21:00:00.001-05:00

May all mothers missing their babies find peace today.

Drawing

2011-09-30T19:26:00.002-05:00

I should probably be embarrased or convicted or something, but really this drawing makes me laugh. A lot.

Ethne is reading in the middle. Catie is on the left asking if she can read, too. I'm on the right with a twin in each arm, very angry eyebrows, and yelling "No Catie! It is not time!"

Any Way You Can Half Marathon

2011-08-21T17:33:00.003-05:00

Last weekend, my rinky-dink hometown of 2000 put on a half marathon. It was a fundraiser for the Lutheran church. They dubbed it the Any Way You Can Half Marathon: Half the Run, Twice the Fun. The flier announced, "Run it, walk it, bike it, golf cart it, any way you can." I couldn't resist such a fun race in my hometown.

There were 8 people on foot, 4 runners and 4 walkers (counting myself as a walker), 20 or so on bikes, a couple on scooters, and one guy driving his lawn mower with the grandkids riding behind on a cart. It was very casual--no official time kept, no medals, just a t-shirt and a post-race lunch. When I got there, I found out the course wasn't actually a half-marathon. Andy (who organized it) thought going from the church in town to the cemetery in the country and back would be pretty close, but when he actually measured the course it was only 11 miles--too short. A longer route heading west out of town was 14 miles--too long. Taking the longer route out and the shorter route back put it at 12.5--pretty close but still a little short. He ended up deciding the official course would be the longer 14 mile route, but that people had the option of taking the shortcut back and saving 1.5 miles. This was fine with me. One of my goals for the summer was to do at least two 14-milers. Turns out I was the only person on foot to do the full 14 miles. I finished in 3:32:35, which was pretty close to my goal time. I was happy with it even if I was the last one to finish (the 3 walkers behind me gave up around mile 8 and were picked up.)

My dad biked the full route, then walked back out via the shortcut to meet me and walk me in. He ended up doing about 8 miles walking. It was nice to spend time talking with Dad.

The route took us past my late best friend's childhood home. It brought back a lot of memories of laughing, crying, sharing secrets, and singing (LOTS of singing) together. Lisa loved to bike and liked to walk. She would have been just as tickled as me at the idea of Roanoke having a half marathon. I could see us walking together chatting the whole way. Of course, Lisa's death of leukemia was what motivated me to start endurance racing in the first place. If she had never had cancer, or had survived it, would I even have been walking it in the first place?

At The Zoo

2011-07-28T18:03:00.001-05:00

Witten
By: Ethne Heiniger

One day, Ethne, Catie, Jen, Brett, Riley and Gavin went to the zoo!
They saw bears, snakes, monkeys, lions,
Tigers and ellafints.

They saw cats, groundhogs, bunnys, zebras and dolphins. They saw a park.
They went on the zoos swings. They went on dolphin rides. The zoo-olagists said it was okey. The zoo-olagists said “
Would you like to help feed the dolphins, too?

Brett and Jen looked at each other.
Please mom and daddy, please? Begged
Ethne, Catie and Gavin! Then Riley changed her mind! May I feed them, too? Asked Riley!

Oh, allright! Said daddy, still in thought, I tell you! Okey! Said Mommy, still a little worried! But stay out of their mouths. She continued, still a tiny bit less worried, I tell you.

The zoo-olagists said “ Great, and that will be 1 cent, so, which means you have to give us 4 cents. How is that?

The Heiniger Family thought about it for a minit! Then they agreed. Sure! Said Ethne, Catie and Jen. Fine. Said Brett. Okey! Said Catie, I tell you!

At the time to go home, the kids said “
Thanks for the rides. Bye-bye monkeys.
Sweet dreams cats! They end.

Happy Birthday, Ian

2011-07-26T21:04:00.002-05:00

Three years ago today, my precious Ian was born. He was a little less than an inch long, but had recognizable arm buds, leg buds, and the beginnings of eyes. I labored mostly alone for a little over 24 hours, and gave birth alone in the bathroom. I love you, sweet baby.

July is a hard month for me. Not only did I lose Ian on the 26th, his sister Grace's estimated due date was the 11th. She would have turned 5 this summer.

Our trip to Mexico, where we almost killed someone

2011-07-20T21:22:00.005-05:00

Our anniversary trip to Cancun was really awesome. We spent four days mostly relaxing on the beach. We did take a day trip to Chichen Itza, which was really cool to see, but the goal of this trip was relaxation. We did have one scary incident. After arriving late Friday night, Brett got up Saturday morning and went out onto the balcony to take pictures. Here's one:

Moments after this picture was taken, Brett's knee gently bumped against the glass front of the balcony. The bracket holding the glass in place snapped, and the glass shattered and fell. Nine stories. Onto a walkway where two men were standing. The hotel staff were great about it. They had medics on the scene within minutes. One of the men needed stitches and was taken to a local hospital. He was back and playing on the beach by that evening. We were moved to another room, and throughout the rest of the trip we could see maintenance men inspecting all the balconies. Our first room with the glass missing:

Thank God there were only minor injuries. And thank God we didn't have the kids with us. I can just picture Gavin running out to the balcony, leaning against the glass, and dropping 9 stories.

After that rough start, we really enjoyed the rest of our trip. We had massages at the hotel spa on Sunday, then the trip to Chichen Itza on Monday, and some time on a jet ski on Tuesday. The temple at Chichen Itza:

The only pics of us together are on Brett's phone, so I don't have them available to share. We really enjoyed the chance to relax and reconnect.

Nine years together

2011-07-18T17:39:00.004-05:00

Brett and I celebrated our 9th wedding anniversary at the end of June. One of the things I love about my husband is that he's a planner. Retirement, college education funds, the week's grocery list organized by aisles, my man is on top of things.

This year Brett spent 4 months planning our anniversary trip. We went to a Cubs game in Chicago on Thursday, spent the night at the O'hare Hilton, and flew to Cancun via Atlanta for a 5 night stay. (Lots of airline miles and hotel points racked up. He knows how to get awesome deals.) The kids went to my parents for the week.

On the Sunday before, I asked my mom if we could drop the kids off Wednesday afternoon so we wouldn't have to get them up so early Thursday morning. When Brett found out, he decided we should be spontaneous and spend Wednesday night in Chicago, too, so we wouldn't have to get up early for the game. He then spent the next 3 days researching the best hotel to be spontaneous at. Yep, only three days of planning is very spontaneous for us!

I love you, Brett. Looking forward to many more well-planned years together.

Gavin's favorite birthday present

2011-07-15T16:04:00.001-05:00

Race Report a Month Late

2011-05-29T19:53:00.003-05:00

I'm going offline for a month starting tomorrow, and I want to get my race report up. It's already a month late, but better late than never.

Having already done the Disney Princess Half Marathon in February, I was able to build on that training for the Illinois Half Marathon. I increased my running time from 1 minute per cycle to 2 (I do a run/walk interval of 4 minutes walking and 2 minutes running). During training I felt great and was pretty fast (for me). I went into the race knowing that, barring extreme bad luck, I was going to set a personal record. My previous record had been 3:06:06, and I was aiming for 3:02.

As I was moving toward the start line, I suddenly got a blank spot in the right side of my vision. That is always the first sign of a migraine headache. I couldn't believe it--this was supposed to be my PR day, and I was about to have blinding pain! I decided to just keep going and, if I had to, stop at a medical station to be picked up.

During the first two miles, the blind spot got bigger. It got so big, in fact, I had trouble seeing my watch. But I stuck with my 4:2 interval. During miles 2-4, the blind spot started shrinking. It's usually about that time that the pain hits, but I didn't get any pain. I did start getting the pins-and-needles tingling along my right side, another of my usual migraine symptoms, but it wasn't enough to make me slow down. In fact, I averaged 14 minute miles for the first 7 miles. By that time, all of my migraine symptoms were gone. I never did get any pain. Very weird.

One of my usual problems on race day is that I start out too fast and burn out around mile 10. My strategy for this race was to intentionally hold back in the first half and then push a little harder in the second. As I said, I averaged 14 minute miles during the first 7 miles, which was exactly what I had planned to do. From miles 7-11, I averaged 13 minute miles! I felt really strong the whole time. Coach Terry was working that stretch of the course and ran a couple miles with me. He told me several times how well I was doing. He had run with a few other TNT racers and said none of them were doing as well as me. I ended up passing several of them during that stretch.

Miles 11-13 were a little harder. I slowed back down to 14 minute miles, but that was still better than I had expected. The TNT tent was just outside the stadium where we finished. Brett was waiting on that corner to cheer me on. As soon as I saw him, I started yelling, "PR! PR!" I headed into the stadium and across the field, finishing in 2:58:22! I was more than 3.5 minutes faster than I had expected, and almost 8 minutes faster than my previous record!

As I crossed the start line with early symptoms of a migraine, I wasn't sure I'd finish. Instead I crossed the finish line triumphant! I don't currently have another race lined up, but I will probably do 1 or 2 halves this summer/fall and make the Big Push for my first Full Marathon in January.

(Brett also ran this race and also set a PR of 2:18:18--15 seconds faster than his previous best.)

___________________________________

Second race report:

Last weekend I did my first 5k. You'd think having done 5 half marathons I'd have done some shorter races, but no. I knew from my previous race that I was capable of doing 13 minute miles for 4 miles in the middle of a half marathon, so I wanted to do better than that for a race that's only 3.1. During my few weeks of training between races, I shortened my walking ratio from 4 minutes to 3. On race day I decided, what the heck, let's do 2 minutes walking. I did 2:2s through the whole race.

I did my first mile in 12 minutes. That's really fast for me. There were several others who were doing run/walk intervals at the back of the pack, and we kept passing each other over and over. I did my second mile in 11 minutes! I was really surprised. By this point, all the other run/walkers had switched to just walking, and I didn't see them again after the half-way point. My third mile was closer to 13 minutes, but still pretty fast for me. Final time was 36:55. Pretty good for my first 5k. When they announced the age group winners, I was actually ahead of the ladies who won the 40-49 and 60+ age groups. There are a few 5k's in my area this summer that I'd like to do. They make for good speed training as I build toward my first full marathon.

I'm Grateful to Be a Mother

2011-05-08T09:22:00.003-05:00

This Mother's Day, as I do every year, I am thankful that I am able to watch my children grow up. I am the proud mother of four beautiful children, including a set of twins. While we are all healthy and happy now, our story could have been very different.

I had a wonderful, easy first pregnancy until around thirty weeks when I started having episodes of racing heartbeat and shortness of breath. I also started swelling quite a bit. My OB said my symptoms were just normal pregnancy stuff and that I shouldn’t worry. At my 34 week checkup, I had gained ten pounds in two weeks. My blood pressure was up a little, but “not enough to be concerning.” However, because I was obviously having trouble breathing, he gave me samples of an allergy medicine and told me to come back on Friday.

That Friday, at 35 weeks even, I had gained another four pounds in three days, was dipping +3 protein, and had a headache and spots in my vision as well as brisk reflexes. The OB wouldn’t even let me drive myself to the hospital. I had severe preeclampsia with central nervous system involvement, and would have to deliver within 48 hours.

I had never heard of preeclampsia before that day. I had no idea that my symptoms meant I was on the brink of a stroke or seizure. I had no idea that I was very quickly heading toward HELLP syndrome (another condition I had never heard of), and that my liver and kidneys were headed toward failure. If I hadn't gone to the hospital when I did, if I had tried to tough it out through the weekend until my next appointment, I very easily could have died. I also didn't know that my baby was being affected. She was mildly growth restricted, weighing just 4lb 4oz and with almost no body fat. She had trouble regulating her temperature for her first 6 months of life due to the lack of insulation.

Preeclampsia and related disorders are a leading cause of maternal and infant illness and death. They affect 5-8% of pregnancies and are responsible for 76,000 maternal and 500,000 infant deaths a year globally. Preeclampsia is characterized by high blood pressure and protein in the urine. Other symptoms may include excessive swelling, sudden weight gain, nausea and vomiting, abdominal and/or shoulder pain, lower back pain, headache, visual disturbances, hyperreflexia, racing pulse, shortness of breath, mental confusion, and anxiety. Eclampsia is diagnosed when the condition progresses to seizures and/or stroke. HELLP syndrome involves hemolysis (breaking down of red blood cells), elevated liver enzymes, and low platelets. There is no known cause and no way to prevent the condition. If caught early enough, it can be possible to slow the progression so that baby can have more time to grow, although sometimes the condition strikes so quickly there is no time to wait. The only cure is delivery. In rare cases the condition will get worse before it gets better even after birth. In fact, it's possible to develop preeclampsia as late as 6 weeks post partum.

Preeclampsia can strike any woman. It is more likely to occur in a first pregnancy, but can happen in any pregnancy. Risk factors include age (both teenagers and age 35+ are at greater risk), obesity, having high blood pressure outside of pregnancy, kidney disorders, diabetes (type I, II, and gestational), blood clotting disorders, autoimmune diseases, and carrying multiples. Preeclampsia usually only strikes once, but some women, including myself, get it more than once. The earlier and more severely it occurs, the greater the risk that it will happen again.

After my scary first birth, I was closely monitored in subsequent pregnancies. My second baby was also induced prematurely due to preeclampsia, although I had a milder case with no brain swelling and made it to 37 weeks. I then had a set of twins. I was diagnosed with pregnancy-induced high blood pressure at 22 weeks, and progressed to mild preeclampsia at 31 weeks. Within hours of giving birth at 36 weeks, I experienced severe post partum preeclampsia with brain swelling. As a three-time survivor, I am grateful that God saw fit to let my children and me live. Not everyone is as lucky, as I know from my time in an online support group. I now want to share my story to raise awareness. Every pregnant woman should know the signs and symptoms, and seek treatment promptly if she suspects a problem. If I had known what to look for, and if my doctor had taken my complaints more seriously, it's possible I could have carried my first daughter closer to term as I did my other children.

In addition to raising awareness, this year I am raising money for the Preeclampsia Foundation. On May 22, I will be running a 5K for Chicago's Promise Walk for Preeclampsia. If you wish to donate, you can visit my fundraising website and make a secure online donation.

The Promise Walk for Preeclampsia

More information can be found at the Preeclampsia Foundation.

Second Star to the Right and Straight On 'til the Finish Line

2011-02-28T22:32:00.002-06:00

I finished the Princess Half Marathon at Disney World yesterday. Disney sure knows how to put on a race! There was something interesting to look at the whole way. There were lots of people in great costumes, including the man in the head-to-toe frog costume with the sign pinned to the back that said, "Prince in need of a Princess! Please call..." My favorite was Princess Leia in the ankle-length white robe, gold utility belt, and buns over the ears. She had to be burning hot but was having a great time.

I had heard there were 17,000 entrants total. There were 13,091 women and 683 men who finished. I finished 11,005th among the women. It was my worst time yet at 3:22:24, but it was a lot of fun. There were a lot of factors for the slow time including the hot weather and crowded conditions, but the one I can control and need to work on is that I started too fast and burnt out. I was happy, though, that I never skipped a run interval. I wasn't really doing this race for time, anyway. It's my next race where I hope to PR.

I would definitely consider coming back to Disney for another race. It's not a race you run for a personal record, but it is a lot of fun.

Why, Exactly, Shouldn't We Help Mothers Breastfeed?

2011-02-19T15:25:00.003-06:00

So Michelle Obama has made breastfeeding the current focus of her career as First Lady. Prominant Republican women like Sarah Palin and Michelle Bachman have criticized her for this. While it seems the real motivation behind the criticism is that it was a democrat who suggested it, others have joined in because some women can't breastfeed. Yes, that's true. What's your point?

Imagine if someone had reacted to former First Lady Laura Bush's literacy campaign by saying, "Some people can't read novels due to learning disabilities, others can't read novels due to circumstances that offer them no leisure time, and others choose not to read novels because they just don't want to. Therefore, we should not support public libraries." Ridiculous, right?

Some women have medical issues that prevent them from breastfeeding. No one should feel guilty about being unable to do what they're legitimately unable to do. Some women can't breastfeed due to circumstances. Sometimes life sucks and we have to make hard decisions. No one should feel guilty for doing the best they can with what life throws at them. Some women could breastfeed but don't because they just plain don't want to. And you know what? That's fine, too!

No one is suggesting that women be forced to breastfeed. No one is threatening fines or jail time or taking away children for the "neglect" of formula. All Mrs. Obama wants to do is offer better education and support to those women who really do want to breastfeed but need help to do so. Why, exactly, shouldn't we help mothers who want and need help? Will it really be such a blow to our economy if employers must give working mothers a 15 minute break twice a day and a clean, private space to pump? Will it really make a difference to the running of our government if we make breast pumps and other supplies tax deductible? Is it really creating a "nanny state" to print up some educational materials to have available for new mothers?

I would never criticize another mother for making the best possible decision for herself and her family based on her specific circumstances and the information she has available to her. I do think, though, that at least some women would choose differently if they had access to better information and/or if their circumstances were improved. I will do my best to advocate for those women. If that makes non-breastfeeders feel bad, well, that's their problem. It's too bad the support wasn't available in time to help them.

Thank goodness it's over

2011-02-03T20:17:00.003-06:00

After reading a synopsis of Twilight: Breaking Dawn, I posted an angry rant on Facebook. A friend rightly pointed out that I couldn't really judge it if I hadn't actually read it. So I did. All four books. Just for the right to judge it.

Here's my official pronouncement of judgement: It was HORRIBLE!

I don't know what was worse:
--the atrocious grammar
--the nonexistent, boring plot
--the inconsistent, hateful characters
--the codependent, dysfunctional, abusive relationship between Bella and Edward
--the raging sexism and racism
--the trivializing of real tragedies for plot devices
--the constantly changing rules of the universe
--the pedophilia masquerading as fate
--the lack of sexual purity while claiming to champion waiting for marriage

Actually, what was definitely the worst was knowing that I would have absolutely loved this garbage as a teen.

Gavin is mad at me...

2011-02-02T21:00:00.002-06:00

...and I don't know why. He woke up early from his nap (yes, he's sleeping again) and started screaming as soon as he saw me. As long as he was distracted and I was out of sight, he was happy and playing. When he caught a glimpse of me, though, he'd come running, screaming and yelling, and hit, bite, and kick me. I have no idea. It lasted until I put him in bed almost an hour early. I'm exhausted. Hope he's in a better mood tomorrow.

What to do about naptime...

2011-01-22T14:38:00.002-06:00

Ethne was a great sleeper at night but not so great at napping. She gave up naps completely at 18 months. I fought hard to keep naptime for another 6 months, but eventually I realized it wasn't going to happen. We started doing a "quiet time" instead, which worked great.

Catie was completely different. While also a great night sleeper, she took a good 2 hour nap every afternoon until almost 3.5. When she finally gave it up this past summer, she joined her sister in quiet time.

With the twins, I have one of each. Riley would gladly nap 2-3 hours every afternoon. Gavin hasn't napped at all this past week. The problem is that Gavin does not understand the concept of quiet time, or if he does he has no desire to actually do it. Nap/quiet time is a necessity at our house, too, because it's when Ethne does her school work.

I can't just put him in his crib and let him play. He and Riley share a room, and will need to for another 2.5 years or so. If I put him in his crib with books, he very quickly starts yelling at Riley to wake up and play with him. I can't let him play in the basement or living room, either. He'd never stay there, and he'd disrupt school time constantly.

Suggestions welcome. What do you do with a non-napping, active 18 month old boy for 2 hours every afternoon?

The "older" twin

2011-01-21T16:10:00.002-06:00

I can't believe Riley and Gavin are 18 months already. They are growing up so fast. I'm definitely seeing the close bond they share. As I'd heard from other twin mamas, my two have their own language. In fact, they don't use a lot of English, but they sure do talk a lot.

I read years ago in The Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman that it's not unusual with twins for one to take on the role of older sibling and the other the younger. That's definitely true in our house. I'll share some recent stories to see if you can guess who's the "older" twin.

The twins spent the weekend at my parents. They found a toy Jack-in-the-box that has handles on either side. They each grabbed a handle and proceeded to fight over it. Gavin screamed. Riley smiled. Gavin screamed! Riley smiled. Gavin screamed! Riley looked at Grandpa with a smirk and let go. Gavin fell on his tush and started crying. Riley laughed and laughed.

In case it's not clear, here's another one. This morning I was going through some mail. Our church had sent out a postcard reminding us of an upcoming event, and there was a beautiful photo on the front. Out loud I wondered, "Who did this?" Without a moment's hesitation, Riley pointed at Gavin and said, "Bubber!"

Oh, dear. We see this over and over. Gavin is bigger and more physically aggressive, but Riley is in charge.

Races

2011-01-21T12:58:00.002-06:00

Brett and I spent a long weekend in Phoenix for the Arizona Rock and Roll Marathon. Brett ran the Half Marathon in 2:20:17. It was great to get away together. We ran into some Team In Training friends we had met at our San Diego race in '08.

Next up: the Disney Princess Half at the end of February. I haven't put in as much training as I'd hoped, but now that we have a treadmill I'm able to put in more miles.

Merry Christmas to All!

2010-12-08T17:32:00.001-06:00

Our Christmas Card this year.

The Measles Saga

2010-11-24T09:10:00.003-06:00

Gavin may have the measles. Or maybe not. It depends on how you define "has". Here are the facts: He was exposed to a live (but weakened) measles virus via the MMR vaccine on the 11th. Ten days later, the typical incubation period for measles, he developed a fever followed by a rash that keeps getting worse and is now covering his entire body head to toe. I've never actually seen the measles in person before, but his rash looks exactly like the pictures on WebMD.

Now in my world, exposure to an illness followed by symptoms of that illness equals having the illness. Apparently, in the world of political medicine, the rules are a little different. According to the CDC's vaccine website and the various vaccine manufacturers, an estimated 5% of children who get the MMR vaccine will have a fever and rash 10 days after exposure. But it's NOT the measles, it's just a "reaction to exposure." Okay, then. You can call it that if it makes you feel better (and covers your butt); I say he has the measles.

But the story isn't over yet. This morning, 13 days after the vaccine, Riley also has a fever and a few dots that I fully expect to spread. There are three possibilities:

1. We were unlucky enough that both children had the same reaction to the same vaccine at the same time. I believe the incubation of measles is 10-14 days, so this is entirely possible despite the slight delay in Riley's symptoms.

2. Gavin got the measles, excuse me, the "reaction to exposure" from the vaccine and then passed it on to Riley despite the claims that a vaccine-reaction rash is almost never contagious, and this explains her delay in symptoms.

3. Both children were exposed to some completely unrelated virus about the same time as the MMR, and it's just coincidence that they have a measles-like rash so close to receiving the vaccine.

Bottom line, it doesn't really matter if it's measles or not, or how they got it. They both have a viral rash. They both are crabby as all get-out but otherwise fine. There's nothing we can do but let it run its course. And we won't be going to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, because there are 4 babies under a year in the family, and I don't want them to catch anything if it's avoidable.

Bing

2010-11-19T13:30:00.002-06:00

Have you seen those commercials for the search engine Bing? The basic idea is that other search engines will give you links to websites that are unrelated to your search. For example, a search on "eating fish while pregnant" is as likely to link you to an article on pregnant pandas or fly fishing as it is diet during pregnancy. But if you just use Bing, the "search clutter" will be eliminated, because Bing is apparently psychic and knows what you're really looking for.

So I frequent a website (which will remain nameless because I'm embarassed to admit how much time I spend there) that is sponsored by Bing. When the page loads, Bing automatically scans the article for key words which it will then hyperlink for easy access to additional info and/or vendors. Let's see how well it works:

"Sammy rings the bell." Bing has helpfully linked "rings" to an online jewelry store. Um, I suppose it's easy to mistake the verb for the noun. Not what I'm looking for, but good try.

"He's about as well known as Peter Scolari." Peter Scolari is a little-known TV actor who does lots of guest appearances but is not a star (and yes, I had to look him up because I hadn't heard of him either), and Bing associates him with free HDTV for life from Dish Network. TV actor->HDTV? A bit of a stretch. Come on, Bing.

"They're already making oh man jokes about Oman." A humor site, perhaps? Nope, "jokes" apparently refers to your prospects of getting a low interest rate on your mortgage.

"They will need to purchase train tickets." Finally an easy one! "Train tickets" should link to Amtrak, right? Nope. "Earn $437/day working from home."

Sorry, Bing, your advertising campaign is not cutting it with me. I think I'll stick with Google and Yahoo.

Update on my kids

2010-11-05T14:31:00.002-05:00

We had a monster appointment for all four kids last week with our primary doctor. Ethne and Catie have started growing again, so Dr. C feels okay with backing off the testing for now. We still have no answers for why they were losing weight. I am glad we did the testing, but I'm also okay with backing off. The girls are happy, healthy, and meeting milestones. As long as they keep growing, I'm not worried about them being small. It's only when they stopped gaining and started losing that we wanted some tests done.

Ethne is 36lb 12oz (.75%ile) and 3'10" (15%ile) at 7. She's become very conscious of what she eats, always asking how many carbs and protein foods have. She knows she needs to eat more to be healthy and is really making an effort at it. We're homeschooling her again this year for 1st grade, and she loves to read and do scientific experiments.

Catie is 26lb (.6%ile) and 3'2" (25%ile) at not quite 4. Her bloodwork is still a little wonky, but we no longer suspect diabetes as her A1C came back normal. She's my sweet and sensitive girl, always up for a snuggle. She's also becoming more social, enjoying Sunday school, preschool, and homeschool co-op a lot.

Riley is 20lb (8%ile) and 29.5in (35%ile), so another relatively tall and thin girl. She's my earliest talker and latest walker, jabbering away with her talker sisters. She's a very opinionated, strong-willed little girl and definitely rules her brother despite his being more physically aggressive. She loves dress up and accessories. She was thrilled when we bought her first pair of shoes and showed them to everyone we met.

Gavin is 22lb (13%ile) and is 30in (13%ile). He's my earliest walker and latest talker, jumping off furniture and very active. He's also a practical joker (his dad's side of the family). His first joke was actually about nursing: he had been nursing for his usual amount of time when he popped off with a serious look, signed "more", leaned forward to latch back on, then yelled "ALL DONE!" And he laughed and laughed because he tricked me! The child is 15 months, only knows 2 words, and can play a joke already. Scary! :P

The twins are still nursing 2-3 times a day. The naptime nursing has become hit and miss, but morning and bedtime are still going strong. We're happy with this balance for now, and we'll see how long this ride lasts.

Thanks, everyone, for the prayers and support while we were testing the girls. Here's hoping they keep gaining.

Driving Directions

2010-11-05T11:04:00.003-05:00

This really made me laugh.

Go to Google Maps and click on driving directions.

Enter your starting point as Tokyo Metropolis, Japan and your destination as Beijing, China.

Click "get directions".

Scroll down to step 48.

Good luck!

Hair Mishaps and Cancer Support

2010-10-22T19:31:00.003-05:00

This evening, I decided it was time for Gavin to have a haircut. I got out the clippers and went to work. This is only his second haircut, and I like to trim it on the longest possible setting. Unfortunately, when I was trimming over his ears, I took a big chunk of hair out. The only solution was to trim it much shorter than I had planned. It doesn't look bad, it's just a lot shorter than I prefer.

This reminded me of a similar story that happened to my best friend and her husband. Lisa had leukemia and was in need of a stem cell transplant. The local EMS squad hosted a stem cell/bone marrow donor registry in her honor, and Brett and I both went to sign up. When we got there, we saw her husband Byron had shaved his head. "That's so great," we said. "You shaved your head in support of your wife!" Lisa got an embarrassed look on her face and confessed that she had been giving him a trim and taken off the guide to even up his sideburns. She forgot to put the guide back on, and made a nice strip down the center of his head. It wasn't a show of support at all! We all had a good laugh over it.

Sadly, Lisa lost her battle a few months later. Brett and I are still registered as stem cell/bone marrow donors, and we'd gladly do it if we're ever called. Even better than that, though, would be to find a cure so no one would need to go through what Lisa and her family and friends went through.

Brett and I are raising money through the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Team in Training program. We are each running a half marathon early next year. We've already raised almost $4000, but we still need over $2500 more to reach our minimum goals. If you'd like to donate to our cause, you can do so online at our website or by mailing a check made out to LLS to our address. You can find out more about registering as a stem cell donor here. Together, we can find a cure!

In Honor of Grace and Ian

2010-10-15T16:12:00.002-05:00

May all mothers missing their babies find peace today.

The Lord's Prayer

2010-09-24T15:13:00.003-05:00

Ethne is memorizing The Lord's Prayer in Sunday School this year. She brought home a paper with the assigned lines for the week, and we sat down to go over it together. This is how she explained it:

Jesus' disciples wanted to know how to pray. So Jesus told them to say, "Our Father which art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen." And then He found them sleeping.

Ethne really enjoys Sunday school this year. Thanks, Ms. Marie and Ms. Kendra, for helping her adjust to the new class.

Why I Support a Woman's Right to Make Informed Choices

2010-09-18T09:44:00.004-05:00

So I posted a link about a mother's choice to give birth at home on my Facebook page, and a debate erupted between my natural-birth friends and my medical-birth relatives. While I certainly understand the position of medical-birth proponents, I am also a supporter of natural birth. Don't get me wrong, I am NOT anti-intervention. After all, I would not have survived my first birth without medical assistance. That said, I am against unnecessary intervention. I was up until 5:15 this morning writing an explanation of why a mother might choose something other than a medicalized birth. I hope my medical-birth friends and relatives will at least try to see the situation from a different point of view, even if their own priorities, values, and choices are different.

---------------

Ninety-five percent of women who give birth in an American hospital will be given Pitocin at some point in their birth process. If they’re not given it to induce labor, they get it to augment labor. If they make it all the way to delivery without, they’ll still get it post partum to return the uterus to normal. Now, there are certainly situations in which a mother or her baby will have a medical need to speed up the birth process. I know; I was one of them, and I’m grateful Pitocin was an option for me. But would it be a true statement to say that 95% of birthing women have a medical need for Pitocin? After all, this drug has only been around for 60 years or so while humans have lived for many millenia. How has the human race survived for so long if 95% of mothers and/or their babies would die or be seriously damaged for a lack of Pitocin-aided birth? You don’t need a medical degree to know that such a statement is ridiculous. You also don’t need a logic degree to conclude that at least some of the 95% are being given Pitocin without medical need. Is it a few? Half? Most? I don’t know exactly, but I would guess the number of truly medically necessary Pitocin-aided births is definitely more than 0% but considerably less than 95%.

If Pitocin were completely harmless, it wouldn’t matter. But it’s not. Pitocin is a drug, and like all drugs it has risks. It can cause harm to the mother. It can cause harm to the baby. The risks may be low, but they’re still there. So why is a risky drug in such widespread use in situations where it is unnecessary? I would guess most obstetricians feel the non-medical benefit is worth the risk. The non-medical benefit of Pitocin is simply convenience, being able to more accurately plan for a birth. Why wait for unpredictable labor to start on its own when Mom can instead make solid arrangements for post partum help? Why be on call for a possible weekend delivery when you can get it done on Tuesday? Why come out at 2am when you can speed up labor and have it done before supper? And after all, if anything does go wrong they can quickly perform a Cesarean section, and mother and baby will be saved, thus making the small risk acceptable. (Of course, a C-section carries its own risks, but let’s leave that alone for now.)

So most obstetricians obviously feel the non-medical benefits of Pitocin outweigh the medical risks, or they wouldn’t use it so readily. Most mothers must agree, since they give their consent to the drug, and often even ask for it for their own reasons. (Or perhaps they simply don’t fully understand the risks? But again, let’s leave that for later.) But not all mothers will feel the same way about what is and is not an acceptable level of risk. Seeing my baby’s heart rate drop on the monitor and being rushed off to surgery is not really my idea of a good start to my baby’s life. Yes, the baby will probably survive, but my definition of a healthy baby is more than just “not dead.” If I were having a birth with no medical reason to rush, I personally would not give my consent to Pitocin just for convenience’s sake.

Only in obstetrics do doctors take patients who are not sick, give them a risky medication they do not need, and if anything goes wrong, fix it with a risky and invasive major abdominal surgery that could otherwise have been avoided. But as long as no one dies, it’s all good. Except a small but growing number of women are saying it’s not all good. It’s not acceptable to put myself and my baby at unnecessary risk, small though that risk may be, just so my doctor can fit in a round of golf on Saturday without being interrupted by a pesky unplanned delivery.

Is that an unfair characterization of obstetricians? Perhaps. After all, they wouldn’t have become doctors if they didn’t want to help people. And yet time and again they are using Pitocin, a risky medical intervention, for non-medical reasons. They can argue that it’s the mothers who are asking for induction and they merely obey her wishes. But they are the professionals. They can refuse to induce. They don’t hesitate to refuse a mother’s wishes should she ask for, say, a vaginal breech delivery or a vaginal birth after cesarean (VBAC) if they feel it’s too risky, so why must they bow to the mother’s choice with induction? Because it’s convenient for them as well.

Of course, the obstetrician went to medical school and most patients have not. The doctor has the knowledge and experience that birthing women lack, and we should most definitely take their opinions into careful account when making choices. Yet women are capable of reading a newspaper, a book, a professional journal. Women are capable of asking questions and critically evaluating the pros and cons of various options. Women are capable of deciding what is and is not an acceptable risk based on their own values and priorities. And any woman with a hint of intelligence can see that Pitocin is being widely misused and abused by the doctors they are relying on for the care of themselves and their babies.

And if obstetricians are risking Pitocin unnecessarily, the logical next question is what about other common interventions? What about artificial rupture of membranes, or narcotics, or epidurals? What about planned c-section for breech birth? What about various other policies like not eating, directed pushing, and delivering in the lithotomy position (on the back)? Are we as patients and mothers getting a true picture of the risks and benefits of various policies and procedures before we decide to consent to them? Can we really say that as long as no one dies it’s all good? Are we within our rights to question the policies of the doctors and hospitals we are relying on for the health and well being of ourselves and our babies, or should we simply follow along like good little girls knowing our doctors went to medical school and we did not? After all, we must live with the consequences of these choices, good or bad.

And what if, God forbid, someone does die? It is a well documented fact that the United States has the highest rate of maternal and perinatal (mother and baby) deaths among industrialized nations even though more than 99% of our babies are born in hospitals. Let me repeat that: The United States is losing more mothers and babies than any other industrialized nation. We are surrounded by the best of the best of technology, yet we still die at unacceptable rates. It is in this state of affairs that women are beginning to stand up and say we want better for ourselves and our children. We want to know what other countries are doing differently that are resulting in better outcomes. We don’t want to blindly accept our doctor’s recommendations based on policies that are not working well.

Most American women would be surprised to know that in Scandinavian countries that have the lowest birth-related mortality rates in the world, almost all low-risk births occur at home attended by well-trained, licensed midwives without any of the interventions used routinely in American hospitals. Perhaps it is the interventions themselves, or more accurately the use of these risky interventions in situations where they are not needed, that is leading to the increased deaths of American mothers and babies. Or maybe American mothers are just weak from fast-food diets and TV-watching lifestyles, and that's why we die surrounded by the best care in the world. Hm, makes you think, doesn't it?

This is why women are questioning their doctors and looking at other options. Not because Rikki Lake says homebirth is cool. Not because we’re rebellious children who want to stick it to the man. Not because we value an idealized, quasi-spiritual birth experience over the outcome of a healthy baby. But because we truly want what is best for ourselves and our children, and we’re starting to lose trust that we can find it in traditional maternity care.

In a perfect world, women would be allowed to birth naturally without risky, unnecessary interventions and policies while still having the doctors and technology nearby in case of a true emergency. They would be fully informed about the risks and benefits of all their options and would be allowed to make decisions based on their own values and priorities. Sadly, that is simply not the case in today's hospitals. Mothers are forced to choose between putting themselves and their babies at risk of unnecessary interventions in a hospital or putting themselves and their babies at risk of a delay in emergency treatment at home. I certainly respect the right of women who prefer the risks of the hospital. I merely ask that they respect the right of women who prefer the risks of the home.

Writing/Grammar Pet Peeves

2010-09-17T17:35:00.003-05:00

"Your stupid"? My stupid what?

You can defuse a bomb, but diffusing it might be a bad idea.

"Thru" is only a word if you're getting a burger in your car.

Per se means "of itself". Per say is only how you pronounce it.

Fire is fiery. Burn all misspellings!

Never enter your PIN number on an ATM machine. You could get the HIV virus.

E.g. means for example. I.e. means that is, i.e. always be correct.

A lot is two words. Allot means "to distribute". Alot means "I can't be bothered to learn proper spelling."

If you really had baited breath, you would smell rather fishy.

Rouge is a color. A rogue is not.

A horde is a large group, often unruly. To hoard means to gather and often references dragons.

Your throws of ecstacy send me into throes of amusement.

I before E except after C, or when pronounced "a" as in neighbor and weigh. Unless it's weird.

You should definitely spell definitely definitely.

Et cetera does not abbreviate to ect, ecc, or et. Etc.

Plurals are formed by adding an s. An appostrophe is used to show possession.

Don't try and learn these facts. Try TO learn these facts.

Thank you and good night.

Will I Be Next?

2010-09-16T14:51:00.003-05:00

Recently, a family in Illinois has been torn apart because the parents made decisions outside the mainstream and against the advice of their doctor.

M was pregnant, and baby R was presenting breech. As is common among today's obstetricians, M's doctor recommended scheduling a C-section.

M did her research. She knew that, statistically speaking, a vaginal breech birth is only marginally more risky than a vertex (head down) birth. She knew there was a slightly higher risk of birth injury and of cord prolapse if she chose to deliver vaginally. She also knew that a c-section carries its own risk of birth injury as well as additional risks to her baby of difficulty breathing and jaundice. She knew her baby would be more likely to end up in the NICU from a c-section than from a vaginal breech birth. She also knew having a c-section would make it harder for her to care for her newborn, would delay breastfeeding, and would interfere with initial bonding.

After weighing the pros and cons of her options, M made the decision to refuse the c-section and deliver vaginally because she believed it was best for her child. Her doctor had never been trained in a vaginal breech delivery and refused to assist. That meant her only option was to birth at home with a trained midwife.

During the birth, there was a slight complication, one that is common in hospitals everywhere and not specific to either home birth or breech birth. It was easily dealt with, and baby R was successfully delivered vaginally. Because of this temporary complication, M and her husband decided the best thing for their daughter was to have her checked out as soon as possible. They took her to the ER, where it was determined the baby had slight nerve damage in her arms that would resolve itself without treatment.

BUT! Someone in the ER decided to report this family to the Department of Children and Family Services. The reasoning was that they put their daughter in danger by choosing to birth at home, even though the baby was fine and the complication was just as likely to happen in a hospital. They were "medically negligent" because they did not follow their doctor's advice. Because they did what they believed was best, they lost custody of their daughter. The irony is that they would still have custody if they had chosen not to seek care for their daughter and never been discovered to have birthed at home.

This disturbs me for a number of reasons, not the least of which is wondering, will I be next? I choose to selectively vaccinate on a delayed schedule. Am I medically negligent for not protecting my children from chicken pox? I choose to homeschool. Am I educationally negligent for not providing my child with a public school experience? What about extended breast feeding, or co-sleeping, or baby wearing, or using homeopathy, or avoiding antibiotics? Who decides what is and is not an acceptable choice for loving parents who want to do the best for their children?

(On the advice of their lawyers, the parents have not gone to the press at this time. You can find more information on the Facebook page Bring Ruth Home.)

The Noisy Child Saves the Day

2010-09-08T19:01:00.002-05:00

Phone: *ring ring*
Me: Hello?
Automated Voice: Hello, I'm calling on behalf of...
Gavin: AAAAAAAAAAA!
AV: I'm sorry, I don't underst...
Gavin: AAA! AAA! AAA! AAA!
AV: I'm sorry, I...
Gavin: AAAAAAAAA!
AV: Please hold while I...
Gavin: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
AV: ...*click*

My Handsome Little Man

2010-09-06T11:54:00.002-05:00

Daddy said it was time for a hair cut, so we got out the clippers for the first time. Not wanting to do anything too drastic, I used the longest setting and did his whole head the same length. Here's his before picture:

Making the first cut:

His beautiful baby curls:

After, so grown up:

And with a little gel (though this shows his bruises a little too much):

New e-mail

2010-09-04T16:24:00.002-05:00

Our main family e-mail has changed. It's the same prefix @ frontier dot com, instead of verizon dot net. We both still have our separate Yahoo accounts. Please update your address book as needed.

2010-08-30T16:39:00.002-05:00

This is Takeru Kobayashi, a competitive eater known for downing hotdogs.

This is 13 month old Gavin. Notice the similarities?

Twenty years from now, I predict Gavin will win the Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest. You heard it here first!

A Story Made From Spelling Words

2010-08-27T11:12:00.002-05:00

by Ethne Heiniger, 1st grade

a man had a run a Bad run he had IT BeFor Luch
he ran In the sun Hot Hot sun So He Ha
D too sit on a bus I see a Cub He seys
CooL He seys the cub is WitH A Net tHe
EnD

13.1 Done!

2010-08-21T17:20:00.002-05:00

I finished my half-marathon today! My time was 3:18. The course time limit was 3:05, so I'm not sure if my time will count as an official finish, but I did still get a medal. And I wasn't last, there were three people behind me.

It was a tough race (what genius planned a race in August in Illinois?) but it was a fun race. My Team In Training coach and two teammates also ran it. Coach Terry placed second in his division, and Sherry won hers. Both of them came out to run the last mile with me, which helped tremendously.

I started out really strong. In fact, it was a little too strong. In training, I've averaged 15-16min/mile. My first six today I averaged almost 14min/mile. Part of me knew this was a dumb idea, and part of me really hoped I'd finish under the time limit. I hit "the wall" at mile 10 and couldn't run anymore. I walked most of the last 3 until I hit a downhill stretch and finally got a little strength to run again. Then I got to the last quarter-mile around the high school track to the finish line and was able to run and finish strong with Coach Terry beside me.

This was my third half, and the first real exercise I've done since before I was pregnant with the twins. Time-wise, it was my 2nd best of the three. I'm going to take a week or two off, but not too long. I want to maintain and build on my current level for my next half. That's right, I'm already registered for the Disney's Princess Half Marathon in February. I've already started making my costume! I'm hoping with more training and cooler temps, I can set a PR and break the 3:00 mark.

I am not convinced...

2010-08-20T09:10:00.002-05:00

The more I learn about Type I Diabetes, the less sense it makes as a diagnosis for Catie. Other than the weight loss, she has none of the common symptoms of extreme thirst, frequent urination, or fatigue. Looking over her three lab reports, her blood glucose is within normal range in all three of them. In fact, it's on the LOW end of normal. Her first two urine tests were fine; it's only the third test that showed +1 glucose (out of 3). It seems very strange to me that she could have diabetes with no symptoms and low-normal blood glucose. We've either caught it literally as it happens in the earliest stages, or the one urine test was a fluke.

We did an A1C test yesterday (yet another blood draw, poor thing) along with another CBC and urinalysis. The A1C is a fairly new test that can tell you what your average blood sugar has been like for the last 3 months. Hopefully, it'll be pretty definitive one way or the other.

I've also looked over Ethne's three lab reports. (My mom, aunt, and sisters rightly pointed out that we shouldn't be so concerned with Catie that we forget about Ethne.) The biggest concern for her is that her liver enzymes and kidney function are persistently, though mildly, high. Dr. C noted on her report that he wants to see the results of her ultrasound before taking further steps with her. We haven't yet heard the official results on the ultrasound, which was done on Tuesday.

Another turn on the roller coaster...

2010-08-17T10:44:00.000-05:00

Well, this roller coaster has taken another sharp turn. We met with the doctor today (we actually had an appointment in another office in the same building, and he came and found us.) Ethne's test results are improving, so he's not as concerned with her. But he now thinks Catie has Type I Diabetes. This is NOT a diagnosis yet, just a theory. He's cancelled the consult with the hematologist and is working to get us in with an endocrinologist ASAP, hopefully by the end of the week.

If it is JD, we've caught it very early. He said usually when he sees JD, he's sending very sick children straight to the hospital, but Catie is still relatively well.

If it is JD, she'll be on a very strict diet and will need insulin injections. The diet doesn't intimidate me (much), I'd actually welcome the excuse to get the whole family on a healthier diet. But I'm not looking forward to giving my poor sweet baby an injection every day. She's already terrified of needles from all the bloodwork we've done in recent weeks.

The girls' update as best as I understand it...

2010-08-12T21:33:00.002-05:00

As you probably know, my older girls have always been very small. When I realized they hadn't gained anything in over six months, I made an appointment with Dr. C. He wanted to run some tests, and we've been waiting for the results. I finally got the call from Dr. C's office. (I've called six times in the last two weeks, and what they failed to tell me was that he was spending all this time researching and consulting with colleagues and specialists.) I should be getting a copy of the reports tomorrow, so I'll hopefully better understand the specifics then. This is what we can share as best as I know now.

The first round of bloodwork from July 19 came back with some really unusual readings on the Complete Blood Count (CBC). There are I think a dozen or so readings taken in a CBC, and for both girls, more than half came back abnormal. Some were very high and some were low; I don't really understand the specifics yet beyond that. Apparently, these results were pretty unusual, which is what lead Dr. C to repeat the test on July 27.

Ethne's second test came back a little better--still abnormal but closer to normal than it had been. Catie's came back the same or worse. It now appears likely that Catie, and probably Ethne as well, have some type of rare blood disorder. Dr. C is sending all of Catie's files to a pediatric hematologist (blood specialist) for review. In preparation for this, we have to do a third CBC and another new test we haven't run before. This new test (I don't know the name of it) is pretty rare. There are no labs in the Midwest that run it, so the blood needs to be shipped to California for analysis. Even though he hasn't sent Ethne's files to the hematologist, he wants her to have the new test run as well. They also are getting chest X-rays and abdominal ultrasounds because their liver enzymes were really high and he wants to see if their livers are enlarged.

I thought the last two weeks of waiting were hard, but this is going to be even worse. We know something is wrong, but we don't know what it is, how bad it is, what the prognosis is, or what the treatment plan will be. It'll take at least a week before we hear from California, and then we'll likely have to meet with the hematologist for one or both girls.

Please pray that their condition will be manageable and that we can find the best way to treat them.

Body Image

2010-08-10T12:31:00.002-05:00

I feel absolutely sick. Ethne was running around doing jumping jacks and such. She said to me, "I'm exercising because I need to get skinny." What did she say?!? I said no, you don't need to get skinny. You actually need to get fatter. She got very upset. "I don't want to be fat!"

I explained to her that we don't exercise to get skinny, we exercise to be healthy. It's important to be at a healthy weight, not too fat OR too skinny.

I am horrified that my sweet, young, UNDERWEIGHT six year old is already dealing with the pressure to be thin. I've made a conscious effort to frame my own weight-loss/exercise goals in terms of getting healthy. I want my girls (and my boy, too) to have a realistic picture of what healthy looks like, not the media ideal. I want them to know that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. I want them to avoid all the garbage of warped body image and self esteem.

And to add insult to injury, I opened the comics section to see today's Family Circus. Talk about an impossible standard--there's no freaking way that woman has had four children! (And yes, I already sent an e-mail to the artists.) I know, it's just a cartoon. But it's still a glorification of an impossible ideal.

In other related news, we're still waiting for news on the girls' test results. I've called three times, and been told three times they'll check with the doctor right away and call me back. Grr.

When you have older sisters...

2010-08-09T14:35:00.002-05:00

Prescription Milk

2010-08-09T10:42:00.001-05:00

I really wish I were capable of milk donation, but between my low supply and my inability to pump well, it probably won't work out for me. I would encourage others to think about it, though.

WBW--More Info and some Fun

2010-08-08T15:32:00.005-05:00

Okay, World Breastfeeding Week is technically over, but I was really busy the past two days and didn't get a chance to post. So here are the posts I would have done on Friday and Saturday.

First, resources. I don't know if I'd still be breastfeeding if I hadn't found some excellent sources of information. Four websites in particular have been extremely helpful both in helping me know what was normal (babies are supposed to nurse often in the evenings, it doesn't mean you don't have enough milk) and helping me fix what was not normal (herbs can help you make more milk). I would recommend these sites to anyone looking for more information and support.

BFAR--This site is for women BreastFeeding After Reduction. The online support forum is out of this world!
Low Milk Supply--the sister site to BFAR but for women with low supply problems of any cause
Dr. Jack Newman--great videos on how to latch properly as well as great handouts on a number of issues
Kelly Mom--a great resource on what normal breastfeeding looks like

I would also recommend the following books:
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
Defining Your Own Success: Breastfeeding After Reduction Surgery
The Breastfeeding Mother's Guide to Making More Milk (this one is especially useful in identifying the causes of low supply)
The Ultimate Breastfeeding Book of Answers

And finally, some humor:

WBW--Breastfeeding helps you sleep

2010-08-05T14:25:00.002-05:00

Did you know exclusively breastfeeding mothers get more sleep and better quality sleep than their formula-feeding counterparts? This in turn lowers the risk of post-partum depression. I know I slept a lot better when Ethne finally started nursing and I didn't have to get bottles in the night. Just latch on and go back to sleep--bliss!

WBW--Yes, I'm still nursing

2010-08-04T15:10:00.002-05:00

Now that the twins are a year old, I've been getting two questions: Are you still nursing? And how long do you plan to keep it up? The answers are yes, and I don't have an end date in mind.

The World Health Organization recommends a MINIMUM of two years breastfeeding with continued nursing for as long as is mutually enjoyable. Research shows that the natural age range for weaning is between 2.5 and 7 years with most children weaning in the 3-5 range. I don't know if I (or they) will want to continue that long, but I do know right now it's still mutually enjoyable. So we continue.

One of the reasons I'm in no hurry to wean is that I feel like I'm fulfilling God's plan for my breasts. That may sound silly, but think about it. God designed babies to drink their own mother's milk until they are old enough not to need milk anymore. As previously stated, that is usually between 3 and 5 years old. This is the way He meant it to be. Loving my enemies? That's hard. Reading my Bible consistently? A struggle. Submitting to my husband? No walk in the park. But breastfeeding? This I can do.

I don't know when this ride will end, but I plan to continue to enjoy it while it lasts.

WBW--What I've Learned

2010-08-03T17:36:00.002-05:00

One of the most important lessons I've learned while breastfeeding my babies is that good things don't have to be all or nothing propositions. I had breast surgery when Ethne was a year old. As a result of the damage to my glands and nerves, I was unable to produce a full supply when Catie was born.

Many women in situations like this feel they have to give up. It's either all breast or all formula. I didn't want to give up, though. I knew breast was best and that I wanted to breastfeed this baby, but I just couldn't make enough milk. I did a lot of research. I started taking a medication to boost my supply. With this med, I increased my supply from 25% to 65%. I bought an at-breast supplementor so all her feedings could be at the breast even if it wasn't all breast milk. I was able to have a successful and rewarding breastfeeding relationship despite my circumstances.

I won't lie--it was hard work. I mourned the loss of the easy, ideal experience that every woman hopes for. I hated having to mix up formula and strap on a contraption instead of "lift shirt, insert boob". BUT IT WAS WORTH IT! Catie got the important growth factors and immunities from my 65% supply. She got the oral development from nursing. We both had the unequalled bond of feeding at the breast. Yes, she got some formula, but that was okay.

When the twins were born, I had an even better supply with the help of meds and herbs--110%! This was split between the two of them, each getting 55% of their needs from me. I again nursed with the at-breast supplementor. I wouldn't trade this experience for anything. When I see my sweet nurslings cuddling close for their Nummers, I know all the struggles were worth it.

My support group has a list of mantras we repeat to each other when we're struggling with our low supplies. My favorite is, "Don't stop giving what you can because of what you can't."

Birth Through the Ages

2010-08-02T12:15:00.003-05:00

I wasn't planning to post anything else during World Breastfeeding Week, but I found these videos to be so moving. While I am grateful for the lifesaving medical advances (Ethne and I likely would have both died during my first pregnancy, and I again could have died after the twins were born without these advances), the fact is modern birth practices that interfere with normal, healthy births do more harm than good. I find it fascinating that birth throughout time has included a doula and a midwife. I look forward to the day I can join this process.

(Warning, some of these images are a little graphic. But I would love to hear anyone's thoughts if you watch all the videos. Especially 4 and 5.)

WBW--Getting a Good Start

2010-08-02T11:36:00.002-05:00

Many women start out wanting to breastfeed but have the deck stacked against them by the advice and treatment they are given when the baby is born. I find this analogy really telling.

When my first child Ethne was born, the hospital did not follow the Ten Steps to Successful Breastfeeding. Of course, there were extenuating circumstances (a preemie in the NICU) that made some of the steps impossible. BUT hospital policy prevented me from nursing my preemie despite evidence that preemies benefit from the act of nursing. I had terrible advice from a hostile lactation consultant who refused to leave the maternity floor to help me in the NICU. Ethne came home with a strong bottle addiction that took weeks to correct. It was sheer strength of will that allowed us to overcome our horrible start and successfully breastfeed for 10 months. The fact that we overcame it is one of my proudest accomplishments.

Actually, I have had difficulty nursing all of my children for various reasons--low supply issues due to breast surgery, nursing twins, severe maternal illness during and after birth. But with the proper information and support, I happily nursed Ethne to 10 months, Catie to 10 months 1 week, and the twins to 12 months and counting. I would love to see all hospitals give mothers the support they need to get a good start. But I'm proof that even a bad start can be overcome.

World Breastfeeding Week--Benefits to Babies

2010-08-01T14:07:00.002-05:00

In honor of World Breastfeeding Week, I plan to do a series of blog entries about breastfeeding. I want to make it clear that my intention is not to make anyone feel guilty about choices they have made. I believe the vast majority of mothers want to do the best for their children and make the best possible choices given their specific circumstances and the information they have available. No one should feel guilty for doing what they thought was best. That said, I also believe some mothers might choose differently if they had access to better information and/or better support in their circumstances. That is my goal: to get the best information out there and offer support to women who need it.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends children be breastfed for a minimum one year with continued breastfeeding for as long as is mutually desired by mother and child. The World Health Organization recommends breastfeeding for a minimum two years with continued breastfeeding for as long as is mutually desired. A few generations ago, infant formula was invented. Our grandmothers were told this was superior to human milk because science had developed it. A whole generation of children was formula fed. But the more we study breast milk, the more we realize how vastly superior it is to formula. There are so many components in human milk that simply cannot be recreated. These components offer many benefits to children.

Human milk is easier to digest.
It's always available and doesn't need to be prepared.
It has the perfect balance of proteins, carbohydrates, and fats to meet the baby's needs.
It has growth factors that ensure the proper development of the baby's organs.
It helps protect against diseases. In fact, breastfed babies have lower incidences of ear infections, diarrhea, pneumonia, and meningitis.
It lowers the risk of SIDS.

The benefits of breastfeeding are not limited to the infancy period. Adults who were breastfed have lower incidences of obesity, diabetes, and even some cancers. The longer a child is breastfed, the greater the benefits. But even a short time of breastfeeding is worthwhile.

Source: AAP

Klop 5K

2010-07-31T11:21:00.003-05:00

This weekend is my mom's family reunion. We have a lot of runners in the family, so we decided it would be a good idea to have a Family Fun Run/Walk. My cousin set up the course, another cousin made up swag bags, and a great time was had by all. I think there were 8 runners on the 5K course and another 15 (?) walkers on the mile course. My awesome husband won the run! And my awesome 6 year old won the walk! I, on the other hand, finished dead last. (I'm 100% okay being the Laggin' Wagon. I am the fanny tuck of racers--I bring up the rear. [Hm, that should be my next training shirt!])

As you know, I'm training for a 1/2 Marathon in 3 weeks. Today I was scheduled for 12 miles. I decided to time it so I could do 4.5 early, get to the start line just before the 5K (3 miles), and then do another 4. My first 4.5 were great. I cooled down a bit more than I wanted waiting for the race to start, but the 5K went really well. Even though I didn't stay for the award ceremony, I still cooled down too much between the 5K and my last 4 miles. I did fine until I got to Veterans with two miles to go, and I just couldn't run anymore. I walked another mile to the school, and my legs totally cramped up. I had to call my sister to come pick me up. :( I really don't think the distance or the heat were the problem, it was just the too-long breaks in the middle, so it shouldn't happen on race day. Now I have 2 more easier Saturday runs before Mahomet. I expect to be dead last for that race, too, but that's okay. I'm the fanny tuck!

Let's Get This Bill Passed!

2010-07-28T11:05:00.001-05:00

BirthsMart

2010-07-25T17:13:00.000-05:00

Well Baby Checks and Blood Test Results

2010-07-20T17:02:00.002-05:00

Riley and Gavin had their one year check today. Riley weighs 17lb 8oz and is 29in long. Gavin is 18lb 12oz and also 29in long. Like their sisters at this age, they are 25%ile for height and just off the chart for weight. Gavin did not even flinch when he got his shot. Riley, on the other hand, screamed and gave us a piece of her mind all the way to the parking lot. Very telling of their personalities.

We also got some of the blood work for Ethne and Catie. In case you missed it, both girls have lost weight in the last few months, so we decided to have some tests run. Two of the three tests are back, and the third was sent out to another lab. The nurse said their results were almost identical. I'm not sure of the exact levels of everything, but they said the results are not normal. They usually see these results in 1. people with hyperthyroid, 2. people on a low carb/high protein diet, 3. people who have been ill and not eating for a week, and 4. people with a metabolic disorder where they don't process carbs well.

Well, their thyroid tested normal and they haven't been sick. They are a bit picky with carbs, but the carbs they do eat, they eat plenty of. So either they aren't getting enough overall (they're both picky, light eaters) or they have a metabolic problem. Or both. Dr. C wants to repeat the blood work in a week and then bring us in for another consult. Plus we still need the results of the third test, which hopefully will shed some light on the situation as well.

We'll keep you posted as we know more. Prayers are appreciated.

Our Family Size is "Wow"

2010-07-17T13:04:00.002-05:00

I was on my morning run this morning when I had an experience that surprised me. I was wearing my favorite running shirt, the one that says "Run Like a Mother: 26.2 miles of peace and quiet". Someone asked me how many kids I had. I said four.

She said, "Wow!"

And that's when it hit me. I have four kids. Wow!

One kid? People want to know when you're having another.

Two to three? That's pretty standard and expected.

Four to five? Wow.

Six to eight? People look at you like you're a little crazy and say things like, "Are these all yours?"

More than eight, and people judge you. Maybe not to your face, but you know they're thinking how can she meet the needs of so many children and provide quality time and all that stuff.

I've been guilty of it myself, though I try not to. It's not my business how many children people want to have, and there's nothing wrong with having a big family. I just hadn't thought about people's reaction to my own family size until this morning. And you know what? I agree. I have four kids, and it's awesome. WOW!

Happy Birthday to my Babies!

2010-07-07T16:44:00.004-05:00

One year ago today, our family was doubly blessed with the arrival of Riley Faith and Gavin Arthur. Today they're happy, healthy children with very different personalities, and yet they're the best of friends.

It has been a tough year, and yet it's also been a fantastic year. I can't imagine life without my sweet babies. We're finally starting to emerge from the fog and live life a bit more.

I'm proud to say I'm still nursing. I didn't make it this far with the other girls for various reasons, which I regret. But this time I'm letting them drive the bus. We'll see how long this ride lasts.

We had their family party on Monday. Here are some pics.

Riley at 1 year

Gavin at 1 year

Then...

...and now

Gavin enjoying his cupcake

Riley enjoying hers

Cupcakes are awesome!

Happy Fourth of July

2010-07-04T17:42:00.002-05:00

I took the kids to my hometown to see fireworks last night. For being such a rinky-dink little town, they put on a fantastic display. Brett didn't go this year because he got sunburned bad enough to blister at a Cubs game on Friday.

The twins were fascinated by the fireworks. I was expecting one or both of them to be scared, but neither of them minded the noise. They looked and looked the whole time. Catie, on the other hand, ran into my parents' house, into their bedroom, closed the door, and hid under the pillows. She was terrified, even though she's seen fireworks before. And Ethne seemed to enjoy the show, but afterward she said she had been scared that the noise would break the Earth, so she was praying the whole time that God would fix the Earth and not let it break.

Tomorrow, we're having a family party for the twins' first birthday. How can they be a year already?!?

Riley has no interest in walking yet, but boy, is she ever a talker. She knows a lot of words already--Mama, Dada, RiRi, Bubber (Gavin), thank you, hi, all done, peek a boo, pop...she's not my earliest talker, but I think she's been my fastest once she started. Yesterday, we played "pass the block back and forth," and every time she handed me the block, she'd say "Tay-too (thank you)". When I'd hand it back she'd say "Hee go (here you go)". She's quite the conversationalist.

Gavin is walking about 95% now--the only thing he can't do is stand up in the middle of the floor. If he falls, he has to crawl over to the nearest furniture to get back up. Gavin knows just one word, but he uses it often and enthusiastically--all done. Gavin, do you want more milk? ALL DONE! (Yes.) It's time for bed. ALL DONE! (You're so funny, Mommy.) Good morning, Bubber. ALL DONE! (Hi.) All said with the funniest look of pride on his face. In fact, right now he's standing next to me yelling ALL DONE trying to get me to pick him up. Once he figures something out, boy, he'll use it until he drops.

A Good Day

2010-06-30T17:19:00.002-05:00

Eight years ago today, I married my best friend, a man who challenges me, comforts me, supports me, and loves me deeply. Who knew then where we'd be today! I have to say my life is better than I imagined it could be. I have a loving husband and four beautiful children, a place to live, food to eat, an exciting career path...what more could I ask for? Brett has been an amazing blessing. We're not perfect, but we're so good together. God knew what He was doing when He led us to each other.

This has also been a good day for a few other reasons starting with a great morning run. I sent in my registration for Doula class, heard from an area doula who would be interested in partnering with me down the road, got my registration forms for our homeschool co-op group, and made arrangements to see BABIES the Movie on July 8 (see post below if you'd like to come.) I'm also planning a double first birthday party for the family next week. Now we're going to make homemade pizza for supper and enjoy skillet cookies for dessert.

Let's go to the Movies!

2010-06-29T18:08:00.004-05:00

ETA: After looking over my calendar, Thursday the 8th works best for me. The movie is only 80min, so I'm planning to bring Ethne for sure, and maybe Catie as well. I've heard from other mothers that have seen it that their children really enjoyed it. So if anyone wants to join me, let me know.

I'm so excited! The documentary movie Babies is coming to the Normal Theater July 8-11 at 7:00 each night. Anyone want to see it with me? I'm thinking of taking Ethne, too, so we could make it a Mom and Daughter event.

Infant Mortality in the United States

2010-06-23T13:57:00.002-05:00

Did you know that the United States ranks 29th among the world's nations in infant mortality? Did you know that African American babies are three times as likely to die before their first birthday as white babies?

I just watched a film, Crisis In the Crib, about this issue. (You can watch it here. It's about 35 minutes long.)

This year, our VBS charity was a Healthy Start program for teenage mothers. The information I learned about this program, the video, and my own recent aspirations of becoming a doula are starting to combine in my head. Can God use me in this area? Could I offer prenatal counseling, doula services, and mothering mentorship, especially breastfeeding help, to at-risk women? It's something I'm seriously praying about now.

What I Want to Be When I Grow Up

2010-06-16T10:01:00.002-05:00

When I was pregnant with Ethne, I knew I wanted to have a natural birth. I took the childbirth classes and thought I was prepared. Little did I know I'd have potentially life-threatening complications, need to be induced prematurely, and labor in bed heavily drugged and unable even to roll over without help. (You can read Ethne's birth story here.) I look back at her birth and can't think of a single thing I could have done differently.

Even though I think it was all necessary, I still felt a lot of disappointment about Ethne's birth. When I got pregnant again, I was determined things would be different. I learned more about natural birth, my particular complication, and prepared myself. Then I got pre-eclampsia for a second time. It was a much milder case, but I had a choice. I could wait for labor to start on its own, hoping for my completely natural birth but risking a repeat of getting as sick as I was with Ethne, or accept an induction. I chose the induction. Long story short, my birth was ruined by the doctor's choice of induction meds combined with a panicky nurse who yelled at everyone. (You can read the full story here.)

After the disaster that was Catie's birth, my desire for natural birth became an all-out obsession. Every day I thought about what I should have done differently, would do differently, imagining scenarios of yelling back at the nurse and dramatically kicking people out of my room. I read dozens of birth stories and books on childbirth, learning everything I could about common interventions and the medical mindset of most OBs. I decided I wanted a home birth, even though the midwives I talked to were reluctant to take me due to my history of severe complications. And then I found out I was pregnant with twins, and my hopes were dashed once again.

I did find a wonderful OB and CNM who co-managed my case and were very supportive of doing everything as naturally as possible. When I got PE for the third time and was on hospital bedrest for 3 weeks, I knew an induction was inevitable but still hoped for a better experience than with Catie. And Riley's birth was better, despite an idiot nurse who kept turing up pitocin after labor was well established against my express wishes. Then Gavin turned breech, and his birth ended up being my worst of all. (You can read their stories here and here.)

It's been a year, and I still think about childbirth every day. Brett and I have made the difficult decision not to have any more children (at least not biological), and yet I still think of it. The grief I feel over my lost birth experience is consuming me.

And then I had a brainstorm. Even though my chance at a powerful, fulfilling birth is over, maybe I can find healing in helping other women. I want to be a doula, a birth support person! If I'd had a doula with Catie, how much differently would things have gone! And a doula would have noticed the nurse sneaking in to increase my pitocin with the twins. I've started looking into certification, and it's something very doable even with four young kids. I'm going to talk to some doulas I know in the area tomorrow, and then I'm signing up for the first training class in September. So if you know anyone who wants birth support in the next year or two, I'll work for cheap. I need to attend at least 3 births for my certification. How great that my grief can turn into a passion that helps others!

Hard Run

2010-06-12T16:06:00.003-05:00

Whose briliant idea was it to sign up for a race in August in Illinois? Mine, you say? Oh, okay.

I did 7 miles in 85-90F heat today. I started out okay, but around the half way point I had to decrease my running ratio. Ended up finishing in just under 2 hours, way too slow to meet the deadline in Mahomet. I either need to get faster, tougher, or pray for cool weather on race day.

On the plus side, I'm past the half-way mark. 13.1, here I come!

Looking forward to the Disney Princess race in February. It should be a little cooler even though it's in Florida.

Brain Study

2010-06-02T11:08:00.002-05:00

Researchers are looking for women to participate in a study on brain function after pre-eclampsia. Participants must have had their first pregnancy after 1990 and not be currently pregnant or had a baby in the last 3 months. It takes about 15 minutes to fill out the survey. They are comparing women who did and did not have pre-eclampsia or a related syndrome, so all women can participate even if they didn't have PE. Click here for more information and to participate.

Random pics

2010-05-31T14:04:00.003-05:00

The mushrooms I found growing in the living room carpet:

Ethne's foot. She's a budding photographer who likes to take series of pictures. I have about 25 just of her foot in different positions and places! Aunt Staci would be proud.

The twins eating my dessert pizza. When Riley saw me, she threw her piece away and refused to hold it for the picture. She knew she was in trouble!

(Not sure why this one won't turn; it's right side up on my computer.) The twins at almost 11 months. Poor Riley is my baldest baby. She barely has enough hair to put in a clip, and it's so fine it slides right out. Gavin, on the other hand, is rocking the faux-hawk! I didn't realize his hair was so long until I gelled it. He'll need a hair cut soon.

Nice Day

2010-05-29T20:37:00.003-05:00

I'm flying solo today and tomorrow while Brett is in Denver. Today I took the kids up to the lake to swim with my parents and niece/nephew. We had a great time. When we got home I threw all four kids in the tub and ordered a pizza. They were all scrubbed up and in their jammies when the pizza got here. Each child, including the twins, ate a whole large slice of pepperoni and onion. We also got a cinna-pie for dessert, and the girls and I each had a few slices. There was half of it left, which I planned to eat after the kids were in bed.

I took the girls upstairs to brush teeth, read a Bible story, and pray. The babies were being really good downstairs the whole time I put the girls to bed. Or so I thought. Turns out, Gavin is just tall enough that he could pull the pizza boxes off the table. By the time I got done and caught them, they had licked all the frosting off the cinna-pie! So much for my dessert.

How do I get from surviving to thriving?

2010-05-20T12:50:00.002-05:00

I'm trying. I really am.

It all started yesterday, when the girls asked me if they could paint. Survival Mom said no way, but Nice Mom said why not? The good news: the girls did a great job with the paint, keeping it on the paper and even cleaning their paintbrushes. The bad news: while they were getting out their supplies, they dropped a blob of silly putty on the floor, stepped on it, and ground it into the carpet. (Why was it not in an egg?) So now I have to get some rubbing alcohol to dissolve it and pray it doesn't take the color out of the carpet.

Then I saw my sister and kids was coming to town. Nice Mom/Sister/Aunt invited them to stop by. The "good" news: Ethne wanted to share her toys. So she got all of them out. And piled them in the middle of the floor. Nevermind the fact that her cousins were outside and neither knew nor cared about the toys. The bad news: when I asked her to clean up, she said Reagan should clean them up since that's who she got them out for. (Nevermind the fact Reagan had left an hour earlier.) It turned into a knock down drag out fight. I won, but I'm not proud of my behavior. I had a lot to appologize for. Thankfully, she forgave me.

Then this morning I decided to actually make something for breakfast since the babies had slept all night and I'd had a decent night's sleep. The good news: the babies LOVE cheesy scrambled eggs and had two helpings each. The bad news: the girls wanted bagels instead. And let me know it. Loudly and with tears. Survival Mom took over once again and made the stupid bagels. Evil Mom locked the brats in the basement while Tired and Discouraged Mom took a long soak in the jacuzzi tub. I haven't checked the basement yet to see what kind of state it's in.

How long until empty nest syndrome?

Summer Haircuts

2010-05-11T12:39:00.004-05:00

I got my hair cut last week. The girls wanted haircuts, too, so I took them in this morning.

Ethne's before:

And after:

Catie's hair was waist length:

She decided to donate her tail to Locks of Love:

And after:

Happy Mother's Day

2010-05-09T14:55:00.002-05:00

Gavin: Mother's Day starts at midnight.
Riley: What can we do to celebrate?
Gavin: I know! Let's get up and give Mom a hug!
Riley: And to make it extra special, let's make her sit up in the chair to get it, not lay down in bed or on the couch.
Gavin: And we'll hug her and hug her for like an hour!
Riley: Yay, I love Mother's Day.

It's a good thing they're so cute, or I'd throw them to the pigs.

Butter makes great hair gel

2010-05-03T13:34:00.001-05:00

Running

2010-04-30T15:36:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow registration opens for the Disney Princess Half Marathon, which will be next March. I'm totally signing up for it! You get a tiara instead of a medal. You have to pick a princess to be when you register, and I'm going with Belle. Belle and Jasmine were the only ones smart enough to get to know their prince before committing their hearts, plus Belle has the awesome library. I'm totally a Belle.

But since that race is so far away, I'm probably registering for a nearby half marathon (Mahomet) that runs in August. The only potential problem with that race is the course time limit: 3:05:00. My PR is 3:06:06, but the race director assured me that if I'm that close, he'll keep the finish line open for me.

Then I want to do another Team In Training race in January. My choices are Disney (not princess) and Arizona. Since I'm hoping to do the Princess one, I'll likely go with Arizona. Do I dare try a full? Yes, I dare!

Just Guessing

2010-04-29T14:13:00.002-05:00

Three out of four children liked the mango I cut up for lunch today. The fourth refused to try it because she "didn't like it."

Me: How do you know you don't like it when you haven't tried it?
Catie: I'm just guessing.

Article about unnecessary c-sections

2010-04-27T16:36:00.001-05:00

http://www.philly.com/inquirer/magazine/20100426_Test_leads_to_needless_C-sections.html

Twins are awesome

2010-04-27T13:47:00.003-05:00

Riley got knocked over by her sisters (who are on my last nerve, BTW) and was crying. Gavin rushed to her side, gave her a kiss, and rubbed her head. The bond between the two of them is so special. They almost always play side by side. They have the whole room and their choice of toys, but where one plays the other does, too.

And we reached a milestone today--we finally dropped a nursing session! And amazingly enough (or perhaps not, after re-reading the previous paragraph) they chose the same feeding to drop! No more nursing after morning nap before lunch. It couldn't have come at a better time, too, because I'm about to commit to another half marathon. So I'll be able to go for long runs when I put them down for their morning nap and not have to worry about being back when they wake up.

Gavin also finally FINALLY started sleeping through the night most nights, so we're down to five feedings a day and one at night once or twice a week.

Guess which child has a black eye?

2010-04-22T20:21:00.003-05:00

You'd think so, but no.

Wrong again.

Nope.

That's right, the one you'd least expect.

This wonderful mother can't trust Gavin not to head for the stairs, so I always get Riley out of bed and changed first because she always just sits by my feet. Today, after I finished with her, I was working on getting Gavin dressed when suddenly I heard it--thump thump thump. The poor child has a bruise on the other side of her head and a scrape on her leg and arm, too. Bad Mommy! I should have kept the door shut until they were both ready.

Bad weigh in and a funny

2010-04-19T16:46:00.001-05:00

The twins had their 9-month check up today. I've been monitoring their weight at home so saw this coming.

Riley has been holding steady at the 30% line, but her height has jumped from 50% to 75%. Wow! She's a lot bigger than her sisters, who are both around 10% for height and never on the chart for weight.

Gavin has dropped from the 50% line to <5%. His height has held steady. I think it's due to his being so active. His gain started slowing about the time he started crawling, and he's been going full force for two months now. Dr. C thankfully didn't panic but is concerned. He wants to see how he looks at his 12-month check.

So another light-weight in our house. Sigh. With the way that boy eats, you'd think his weight wouldn't be a problem.

Gavin did have some good news. His scoliosis has started to resolve itself. He does still have a slight curve but it's much improved and barely noticeable now.

And now a funny:

Ethne recently lost her first tooth and was very excited to be visited by the Tooth Fairy.

This morning she told me she needed string for a project but didn't have any money. Did I know how she could get some money? I suggested she help me fold laundry to earn some money.

"No," she said, "I'll just lose some more teeth and the Tooth Fairy will give it to me."

Milestones

2010-04-13T18:19:00.002-05:00

Riley started crawling yesterday. She does a combination of knee crawling, scooting on her bum, and rolling, but she slowly makes her way where she wants to go.

Catie finally earned her Belle doll for using the potty.

Ethne lost her first tooth.

And for those that asked, yes I'm running again, or more accurately walk/running. I am woefully out of shape, so I'm following the same walk/run pattern I used when I was injured before to get back into it. I hope to be mostly running eventually. If I can maintain my new exercise regimen for three weeks, I may think about signing up for another race.

Nine Months

2010-04-07T14:04:00.003-05:00

My babies are nine months today! A year ago, we thought there was a chance we'd lose one or both of them, and best case we were looking at preemies with a long NICU stay. It's nothing short of a miracle they were born healthy and perfect at 36 weeks. And now they're nine months! I can't believe how fast it's gone.

Gavin is our adventurous one. He's been crawling for a while now and exploring the whole house. He took his first tumble down the stairs last night. You may be able to see his bruise in the pictures.

Riley still isn't crawling, though she is getting up on hands and knees now. She's our more vocally advanced baby. I've heard her say Mama a few times.

We're still nursing six times a day and at least once a night (Riley sleeps through about half the time, but Gavin rarely does). I nursed them together until two months ago when they got too big. I couldn't use the double-football hold anymore because their bums were against the back of the couch. So now I nurse them one at a time. Because feedings were taking so long, I started using the LA from the start of the feed. Feeding time is now manageable, but I've got two tube junkies. They won't latch until the tube is in place. Not sure how we'll be able to wean off the LA now, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

Both babies are going through a jealous phase right now, especially Gavin. Whichever baby I nurse first, the other is screaming about it. And even if he's fed first, Gavin will still scream while I feed Riley. He crawls on me and clings to me when I try to care for the older girls, too. And he doesn't even like Brett to get too close to me!

Both babies are well established on solids now. Their very different personalities really show through when they eat. Riley daintily picks up one bite at a time, and doesn't want to eat anything too messy. Gavin is shoveling it in double-fisted. He gagged on a mouthful last week, and when I swept his mouth out he had three tortellinis and a hunk of bread in there! They haven't taken to the sippy cup too well yet. They like me to give them a drink, but they don't hold it themselves yet except to throw it.

Another Urgent PE prayer request

2010-03-31T11:31:00.003-05:00

I am deeply concerned about Brandi, another mother in my pre-eclampsia support group. She is 31 weeks with her third child and has a history of severe PE. Her blood pressure has been labile (fluctuating) for several weeks. But it hasn't stayed up yet, nor does she have protein, so she doesn't officially have PE yet.

More concerning, though, is that she has several severe signs of brain swelling--extreme continual headache that isn't touched even by heavy duty pain meds, spots in her vision so severe she can barely see, and hyper-reflexes and clonus. She also is bleeding from her nose and ears and vomiting several times a day. She went to the hospital last night BUT because she isn't technically pre-eclamptic, they released her! And they did nothing for her pain. I am so appalled at the care she is receiving. She could be on the brink of a stroke, and the doctors aren't taking her seriously. Even if it's not PE and even if it's not brain swelling, it can't be good to be in that much pain and bleeding from your ears!

So please pray for Brandi and her baby, that they can get the care they need and that they aren't permanently harmed by these symptoms.

Thanks for Praying

2010-03-31T09:21:00.002-05:00

A few weeks ago, I asked for prayers for Jamie, a woman in my pre-eclampsia support group. Last night, she had a healthy baby boy, Louis, at 36 weeks 5 days. Louis had some growth restriction and is a little small for a nearly-full-termer, but he's doing well enough to room in with mom and dad. Mom is also doing well after 5 weeks of hospital bedrest, and they expect to be home in time for Easter dinner. Praise the Lord!

Life with Girls...

2010-03-29T21:05:00.002-05:00

My sister babysat my kiddos this evening while I was with my Bible study girls. When I left, Ethne was in the middle of performing Disney Princess Ballerinas on Ice. First she did some jumping and spinning herself, then she became the announcer. Amy and Catie had to sit on the floor staring at nothing while Ethne said things like, "Look at Cinderella do a jump spin! And now Belle is doing a twizzle! Amy! You're not looking! See Ariel do a toe jump!" Ah, little girls.

We've moved

2010-03-28T14:50:00.002-05:00

Wednesday/Thursday we packed up the whole house, and Friday we moved into our new home. There are a lot of boxes to unpack, but we're slowly settling in. Catie has had the hardest transition. Ethne did a lot better than I expected.

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In a few minutes, Brett is leaving for a week-long training in Chicago. So I'm flying solo this week with a little help from my sister. Then we have the Easter Sunrise Service at church (that we're in charge of!) next weekend. Once we get through that, I'll be able to breath a lot easier. We won't have anything else big planned until June when we give dinner at church.

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The Sunday School Easter Program was today. During the Christmas program, Ethne couldn't handle everyone looking at her and hid under the bench instead of singing. This time, we talked through everything several times. She told me she wasn't going to sing, but she would stand up and smile. And that's exactly what she did. I was very proud of her.

My Dream Dashed

2010-03-21T16:15:00.002-05:00

I had a rather random memory surface today. When I was six years old, I loved to watch Star Search on Saturday mornings. I was fascinated by the costumes, the singing and dancing, and the judging. I decided I really wanted to be a singer.

So one day I asked my mom if I could be on Star Search that Saturday. I'm sure she wasn't really listening, because she said sure. I was thrilled! I went to school that week and told everyone that I would be on Star Search that Saturday and to make sure to watch me. Meredith, a girl in my class, thought I was lying. Nuh-uh, I told her. My mom said I could!

That Saturday, I got up so excited! I raced through my breakfast, then asked my mom when we were going. Going where, she asked. To be on Star Search, duh! Didn't she remember?

That's when I got the devastating news. You had to take an airplane ride to California, try out, and spend months preparing to be on Star Search. BUT SHE SAID I COULD! I was very upset, naturally.

That Monday, Meredith said she watched Star Search, and I wasn't on it. So I was a liar. Nuh-uh, I said. I WAS going to be on it, I just changed my mind. Poor, heartbroken little first grader.

The Highs and Lows of Body Image

2010-03-17T19:35:00.002-05:00

This weekend I saw the highs and lows of body image. On Saturday I went bra shopping, and amazingly enough I was down two cup sizes! I have never, ever experienced shrinkage. This was very exciting to me, because it gives me hope that I might get back to "normal" once the twins wean without going through another reduction surgery.

Then on Sunday, someone asked me if I was pregnant. I'm not. I don't hold any illusions, though. I'm taking a medication that as a side effect causes you to gain weight around the middle. I know I look pregnant, and while I'm not happy about it, I do accept it for now. I'll be able to come off the meds in a few months, and I'm looking forward to getting my body back in shape at that time.

Tonight, Ethne told me I need to start running again so my tummy isn't so fat any more. I hope I'm not giving my girls an unreasonable picture of what beauty should be. I want them to be at a healthy weight, but not obsess about meeting some artificial and unattainable standard of beauty. While I do want to lose a few pounds and get my abs under control, I also want to be happy with being normal. And I want my girls to be happy with themselves, too.

Getting the shot...

2010-03-14T21:43:00.003-05:00

They looked so snuggly and sweet in their jammies all clean from the bath. I wanted to capture that precious magic moment. HA!

Success! Just distract them with tooth brushes!

Our family lately

2010-03-14T21:34:00.004-05:00

Gavin is cruising the furniture already! At this rate he'll be walking by 10 months.

Riley has two teeth and loves Avanti's bread.

Catie is working on earning a Belle doll. What does she have to do? Poop on the potty. I hope it happens soon!

Ethne has two loose teeth.

All the Dads are Wearing It

2010-03-11T11:27:00.002-06:00

Babywearing article in New York Post.

Maternal Mortality

2010-03-09T13:07:00.002-06:00

The Pantagraph had an interesting article about maternal mortality rates today. This is a topic close to my heart, since I could easily have been one of those statistics. The article focuses more on deep-vein thrombosis and post partum hemmorhage, but makes a passing reference to "uncontrolled blood pressure" aka pre-eclampsia.

Every pregnant woman should know the signs and symptoms of PE. I didn't when I was pregnant with Ethne. I went to the OB because I thought I was having an allergy attack. Thank God I did, because I was diagnosed with severe PE, induced prematurely, and heavily medicated to avoid seizure and stroke. If I had tried to make it through the weekend to my next appointment, I very likely could have died.

A few months after Ethne was born, an area woman did die of PE. I didn't know her personally, but we shared some mutual friends. She saw the same doctor, had the same diagnosis, was given the same advice (to head straight to the hospital for immediate induction and delivery). She decided she wasn't ready for the baby yet and wanted to wait one more week. She didn't make it. That could have been me.

More information can be found at the Preeclampsia Foundation.

Sweetest thing EVAH!

2010-03-01T14:32:00.001-06:00

This morning, Gavin was crying and I was trying to get a load of laundry started before picking him up. When I got to him, he had crawled over and put his head in Riley's lap, and she was gently rubbing his head. About died of cuteness!

My Angel

2010-02-26T12:10:00.004-06:00

And while her brother is making all kinds of trouble, Riley sits nicely and plays with toys for hours on end. She's been my easiest baby. Gavin gets all the attention (at least on the blog) because his noisy, agressive, adventurous boy behavior is new to the family, but Cookie-girl keeps us smiling. She recently learned to sit up, and is using consonants when she babbles. In fact, she likes to chew me out once in a while. "Dabble-dabble-dabble-gubba-gubba-gubba!"

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Update on Jamie: she's still in the hospital and will be for the duration, but is still pregnant at 32 weeks. Each day in saves two in the NICU!

My Daredevil

2010-02-22T10:04:00.002-06:00

Gavin started crawling last week. The first thing he did was this:

He's been obsessed with the fireplace ever since. This morning I found him like this:

Prayer Request

2010-02-22T09:15:00.002-06:00

Please take a moment if you can and say a prayer for Jamie D. She's a member of my PE support group. She lost her first child to PE about a year ago, and she's being admitted today with PE again at 31 weeks. Please pray that she'll hang on a little longer if possible, and if not that mother and baby will have a safe and easy delivery and a short stay in the NICU.

7 months

2010-02-17T19:53:00.003-06:00

I didn't get around to taking 6 month pictures, so here are some 7 month pics instead.

Guess what I got for Valentine's Day?

2010-02-14T17:57:00.000-06:00

Sold!

2010-02-13T16:31:00.001-06:00

We accepted an offer on our house last night. Praise the Lord! Now we're waiting to hear if our own offer has been accepted on the house we want.

Always the bridesmaid...

2010-02-11T17:09:00.003-06:00

Our realtor told us we have a "bridesmaid house." We've been the second choice of a lot of people (we've had 30+ people through), but not the winner. We lowered the price this week, so hopefully we'll get a bite soon.

Boy Behavior?

2010-02-01T14:48:00.002-06:00

Gavin is such a boy! He's turning into an escape artist. This morning, I put him in the bouncy seat. He managed to get out of the buckle, roll over, get up on his hands and knees, and bounce himself silly! He can also escape from the Bumbo. So no more bouncy-seat or Bumbo for him. He's working hard on getting out of the swing (!), but the buckles are a little tighter there. So far no luck, thank God. I don't know what I'd do if he couldn't go to sleep in the swing.

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Did anyone catch the episode of 19 Kids and Counting last night? We don't get TLC, but I would really like to see it if anyone has it DVRed and can copy it for me. Michelle had PE, the same syndrome I had in all my pregnancies. I saw a few clips online and had major PTSD flashbacks!

Major Sleep Deprivation

2010-01-29T16:27:00.002-06:00

We've been dealing with bad-sleeping babies (particularly Gavin) for over a week now, and it's about to drive me batty. I know it's completely developmentally normal for 6 month olds to start sleeping badly, but that doesn't make it any easier. Both babies have been up several times a night, sometimes separately and sometimes together.

I usually prefer they get up separately because I can nurse lying down and go back to sleep. BUT I've also had to start supplementing at night again, which means I have to get up anyway. When I nurse them together with the supplement, though, it means I have to turn on the lights. Which means it's Party Time! Gavin was up for hours last night, just yelling.

The only thing that calms him down/gets him back to sleep is the swing. Our swing is a wind-up, which means I have to get up every half hour to rewind it or he'll wake back up. Does anyone have a battery-powered or plug-in swing they'd be willing to loan me or trade for?

I hope we get through this phase quickly.

Date Night

2010-01-17T21:10:00.002-06:00

Brett and I went on a unique date night on Friday. For one thing, we had a chaperone! We went house hunting with Bev V. We looked at several and found one in particular that we really like and another that would be great if the first one doesn't work out.

Our house went up on the market yesterday and we had three showings today! Wow! I hope that's a good sign that it'll go fast. It's been tough getting it ready to show with four kiddos, so the sooner the better.